Forget the flowers, the chocolates and the store-bought cards.
“I try to influence people not to do the traditional things for Valentine’s Day,” says therapist Linda Bloom. “I encourage them to write a personal note of appreciation and gratitude instead.”
Bloom and her husband, Charlie, are relationship experts and authors of “101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married.” The couple have taught and lectured around the world and are presenters at the Esalen Institute and the Kripalu Center. They live in Santa Cruz, Calif.
Valentine’s Day, they insist, is a perfect opportunity to give your lover or spouse your heart — not through objects but with intimate conversation.
“Putting in the details is essential,” says Linda Bloom. “Don’t just say ‘I love you.’ Be specific and mention what it is you love about that person: “I love how forgiving you are.” “I love how responsible you are.” “ I love that you’re a person of integrity.”
She says we never outgrow the need to hear that important feedback from those we love.
What’s most important, the Blooms believe, is to rejoice in having found one another.
“There are a lot of people who wish they could find love and haven’t been able to,” she says. “Or they have found love and haven’t been able to sustain it over the years.”
In addition to writing your feelings, it’s also important to “open up your mouths and let those beautiful words of affirmation and appreciation come out.”
“Tell her she is a terrific cook, tell him he is a wonderful father,” says Bloom. “Tell one another with a touch, a caress, a hug.”
And one final piece of advice: “Don’t wait until Valentine’s Day or a special occasion.”
If the idea still seems intimidating, consider “How I Love You: A Journal of My Affection.”
The little book, by Aimee Chase, is filled with leading questions that will help get you started. It’s published by (who else?) Harlequin and sells for $13.95.
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