John Gossmann was an all-around outdoorsman who loved the Green Bay Packers and to fish and golf. He had a serious side when it came to his business, but he had a great sense of humor, too.
And so when he passed away last year within months of being diagnosed with stage 4 colon and liver cancer, his family wanted to celebrate, not mourn, his life.
At H.M. Patterson and Son Funeral Home, they planned a service with old-school country music playing in the background and a bar stocked with beer and wine. Guests could take one of the monogrammed golf balls Gossmann’s wife, Gale, purchased for him before he passed at age 64.
“Grab one of John’s balls and hit the link,” a sign suggested.
“It was such a wonderful service,” said Leah Gossmann, John’s daughter-in-law and vice president and director of operations at Six Feet Under Pub and Fish House in Atlanta. “It had such a good vibe and such a good feel to it.”
It used to be send-offs for the dearly departed were solemn and serious, but not so much anymore.
Nowadays, funerals are trending toward a more celebratory tone with more of us preferring a service with a relaxed and reflective atmosphere like the Gossmanns.
Take comedian Joan Rivers’ request before passing away earlier this month, for example.
“I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action,” Rivers wrote in her 2012 book, “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me.” “I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way.”
Current trends indicate, however, that you don’t have to be a celebrity to create a unique life celebration.
Dave Hass, managing director of Dignity Memorial funeral homes and cemeteries, which include Patterson and Son in Atlanta, says about a third of the 3,800 funerals they perform each year are, well, unique.
“We believe that that’s going to climb,” Hass said. “It just seems like a sea of change and it’s driven by baby boomers, who are saying they want more. They want a different type of experience, and those are typically our customers.”
The trend is also holding steady at the West Cobb Funeral Home and Crematory Inc. in Marietta, said owner and founder David Roach.
Of the nearly 400 funerals he does annually, Roach said that a third of the families want somehow to tell their loved one’s life story beyond just an obituary. For instance, he said, at the funeral of a Coca-Cola executive recently, the family decided on a Coke theme that was threaded through the service and reception with plenty of Coke memorabilia.
Another family opted to bring in samples of quilts, afghans and dolls the family matriarch knitted for friends and relatives to admire.
“It doesn’t take the sting of death away, but it allows for a more comfortable environment,” Roach said.
While everyone in their own way has a customized funeral, Hass said that instead of the traditional religious service punctuated with tears and sadness, more families are choosing celebrations that uniquely honor the deceased’s essence and put a smile on everyone’s face.
Hass, who has worked in the funeral industry for 32 years, said he first noticed the shift in 2001, when the family of a deceased saloon owner wanted to have his casket remade to add a beer tap so that when people came to pay their respects, they could enjoy a beer. A half-keg of Budweiser — about 80 glasses to be enjoyed during the visitation and funeral — was attached to the rear of the casket.
“People had a blast,” Hass said. “That’s probably the most unusual one I’ve had in all my years.”
On another occasion, the family of a former barber requested that his barber’s chair be placed near his casket and distributed customized scissors to be pinned to the lapel of each attendee.
“Everybody had a smile on their face when they walked in,” Hass said. “It was really special.”
Leah Gossmann, of Smyrna, said the family wasn’t sure what type of service they wanted when they initially visited Patterson and Son.
But Gossmann said the manager and funeral director Douglas Drummond “was able to read us right off the bat. We were trying to keep things as lighthearted as possible, and he followed our lead. He allowed us the freedom to be creative.”
The way Hass sees it, people want something a little different.
“They don’t want to go to their parents’ or grandparents’ funeral,” he said. “They want a party. It’s not for everybody, but if someone leaves our funeral home saying, ‘I didn’t know we could do that,’ that’s what we want.”
