So, instead of tailgating ahead of the big game we’re all meeting up at this afternoon’s late showing of “The Artist,” right?
Hey, it’s a silent movie. Shot entirely in black and white. Made by — quelle horreur! — a bunch of snooty French people.
Seriously, does anything sound less like all that’s holy about Super Bowl Sunday?
And a better way to lick our wounded football pride?
Kickoff is set for 6:29 p.m. in Indianapolis (Indianapolis!) for today’s grudge rematch between the New England Patriots and the New York* Giants. (*They’ve actually played all their home games in New Jersey for 35 years.)
Here in Atlanta, though, we’re stuck watching from the sidelines. Nursing a hurt: Hit right below our Southern football tradition-proud, always-up-for-braggin’-on-Atlanta-loud belt at being left out of the big game. On and off the field.
Again.
Has it really been “only” 13 years since the Falcons played in their last — and only — Super Bowl, in Miami in 1999? The following year, the Georgia Dome was the site of Super Bowl XXXIV, a thrilling 23-16 duel won by the St. Louis Rams over the Tennessee Titans.
But since then ... bupkis. Nada.
Even the Thrashers’ abandonment of us doesn’t feel this complete, and they’ve moved to another country! (That would be Canada for the hockey illiterati.)
A city can take only so much dissing from the Super Bowl. Could anyone really blame us, then, if we decided to simply ignore the hours and hours of hype and hoopla emanating from Indianapolis (Indianapolis!) this year?
Um, yes.
This whole situation is kind of our fault. When Atlanta has been more directly involved with the Super Bowl, it hasn’t always turned out great.
That 2000 thriller at the Dome? Preceded by two freak storms that turned the town into one gigantic ice slick and — many suspect — put our chance to host future Super Bowls in the deep freeze. (There also was that party in Buckhead that ended in a double homicide and with NFL star Ray Lewis later pleading guilty to obstructing justice. But, let’s just focus on the cold weather.)
That one time the Falcons actually played in the Super Bowl? Preceded first by head coach Dan Reeves having to have emergency quadruple bypass surgery late in the regular season. And then by defensive star Eugene Robinson being arrested on a charge of soliciting sex from an undercover female police officer just hours before kickoff in Miami.
Sigh. Maybe we really are better off watching today’s spectacle from afar.
And anyway, it’s “afar” only in a technical, purely geographical sense. There actually are so many Georgia connections to this Super Bowl, it’s as good as happening here. (Better, actually: No freak ice storms. No Kardashians pouting for the paparazzi on Peachtree and getting the good tables at Chick-fil-A all weekend).
On the field, the hands-down biggest celebrity is Patriots’ offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien, who coached at Georgia Tech from 1995-2002. His superstar status isn’t just because he managed not to get fired after very publicly scolding the Pats’ dreamboat quarterback Tom Brady for some bad play earlier this season. After today’s game, O’Brien jumps out of the tabloid frying pan and into the fire as the new head football coach at Penn State.
Another former Yellow Jacket, Hinesville native Gary Guyton, plays for the Patriots. And Giants running back D.J. Ware grew up in Rockmart and played for the University of Georgia Bulldogs.
So it’s actually Tech vs. UGA for the Super Bowl title at Lucas Oil Stadium today — not Giants vs. Patriots, as the NFL would have us all believe.
There’s more. A Delta charter flew the Patriots to Indianapolis. And Coca-Cola has the “pouring rights” inside Lucas Oil Stadium. That means every time some loudmouthed New York* Giants fan who paid $1,500 for a scalped ticket in the end zone gets thirsty for a nonalcoholic beverage, Atlanta’s tax base gets slightly richer.
Speaking of loudmouthed and rich, Madonna is this year’s featured halftime performer. She’s fresh off a Golden Globes win for best song in some movie (“W.E.”) no one’s actually seen. Many people had expected the Globe to go to “Hello Hello,” a song from “Gnomeo & Juliet” that was written by part-time Atlanta resident Elton John.
Elton John, it turns out, certainly expected it.
Madonna’s song “didn’t have a [expletive] chance” of winning, Sir Elton opined on the red carpet beforehand. Afterward, his husband, David Furnish, blasted the decision on Facebook: “Madonna. Best song???? [Expletive!!!]”
Bottom line: While much of the world is watching the halftime show to see if Madonna forgets to wear clothes or the words to “Holiday,” we’ll be listening for the sound of grumbling and typing (“Sounded more like Holidud!”) coming from Sir Elton’s Buckhead neighborhood.
Or not. This is the South, after all, a place where we still know something about good manners. Atlanta hospitality isn’t just stamped all over this highly anticipated Super Bowl rematch — it’s the only reason it’s even happening.
What if the Falcons hadn’t ever-so-politely laid down and let the New York* Giants walk all over them in a 24-2 playoff loss last month? Then where would we all be?
Probably at a late afternoon showing of “The Artist.”
Quelle horreur indeed, y’all.
Super Bowl XLVI is a Southern rivalry
Oh, we know most of you think it’s the New England Patriots vs. the New York Giants. Not so. It’s really a showdown between UGA and Georgia Tech. Here’s how:
University of Georgia
Giants running back D.J. Ware grew up in Rockmart and played for the Bulldogs.
Georgia Tech
Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien coached at Tech.
Patriots inside linebacker Gary Guyton grew up in Hinesville and played for the Yellow Jackets.
