he wayward career path that began in Orlando has now landed Dwight Howard on late-night TV.
On Sunday night’s episode of “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver,” the comedian’s monologue was about trade.
It’s a complex topic that makes most people’s eyes glaze over. But it’s important given the tariffs the Trump Administration has cued up on the world.
Explaining it to an audience would be challenging. So Oliver began his 21-minute monologue with a simple primer.
“Trade is the basic system of barter and exchange which you have to do carefully or you’ll end up with Dwight Howard,” he said.
Appearing onscreen next to him was a picture of Howard in the six uniforms he’s worn.
Technically, Howard wasn’t traded to all those teams since he left the Lakers and Rockets as a free agent. But the decreasing return he’s given every new team made him a useful example of the dangers of trading.
“Seriously, parents. Talk to your children about trade,” Oliver said. “You don’t want them to go to school with pizza lunchables and coming home with Dwight Howard.
“You think he’s going to add a 3-point shot to his game now, kid? Grow up.”
The inability to grow up has been a major reason Howard has been passed around like a Christmas fruitcake. In his latest delusion, the 32-year-old plans to retool his game and magically come up with a jump shot.
One of his trainers, Justin Zormelo, told the Washington Post that Howard has been working on his ballhandling and outside shooting as he prepares for his first season with the Wizards.
“Just a completely different mind-set than he’s used to,” Zormelo said. “I was able to figure out how add different skills to help Dwight adapt pretty quickly.
“He wants to evolve into Anthony Davis, into Kevin Durant,” Zormelo said. “But his own version of that.”
And Turkey wants to evolve into China and demolish the U.S. in a trade war. That’ll probably happen before Howard becomes a legit 3-point shooter.
