The Robbie Caldwell Story is two weeks away from becoming sluggish and cast aside as old news. Reality is closing in on the frontier coach, who is that locomotive that burst into the county fair for antique cars. His parables and good will likely will not get him out of the predicament he faces.
He is, after all, the Vanderbilt football coach.
The Commodores, who have not had a winning record in the SEC since 1982, open their season Sept. 4 with Northwestern and then face the usual doom of the SEC. There are fingers crossed and candles lit for Caldwell, 56, who got his first college head-coaching job when Bobby Johnson abruptly resigned in July.
Most media people want Caldwell’s story to stay in circulation, not because it sells, but because it resonates with those who remember football as it used to be. He played offensive line, and he looks like a football coach, not a slick, spray-painted coach.
Just last week, as his team prepared for the season, Caldwell was on the radio rallying fans with a “hallelujah” and exclaiming to listeners, “We’re going to get after it for you.”
Caldwell opened a practice to fans and promotes the Vandy program with exuberance. He has chosen not to navigate the first month of his head-coaching career on tiptoes, but to stomp and not be intimidated in a conference that features three coaches who have won national championships.
“All we got to do is come out swinging,” said Caldwell, who played on the offensive line at Furman (1973-75).
Caldwell came out swinging, and he grabbed some publicity for Vanderbilt, which usually is relatively ignored at the annual SEC Media Days in Birmingham.
Caldwell told the story of holding a door for someone at a restaurant after he was appointed Vanderbilt’s coach and a man gave Caldwell a $1.50 tip.
That’s one sound bite.
Caldwell explained his high school job on a turkey farm as proudly as if he owned the place. His specialty, he seemed to say, was the turkey-insemination process.
Another soundbite.
He mentioned his skills pouring concrete and, eventually, he got around to the skill of eating those turkeys by showing off his round stomach.
One more soundbite.
“I know I don't look it, but I feel 18,” Caldwell said. “I may fall over tomorrow, but I'm excited about being here in front of you. I'm not intimidated. I feel like y'all are human just like me, I guess. I don't think any of you is from outer space. I know you'll look after me.”
His style got him in the door with the media, but of course, there are bigger issues than Caldwell’s style. Such as, can he actually do the job?
His players are delighted by his coaching. The same effervescence he showed in front of the media, Caldwell has showed at practice. He was hands on with turkey farming, and he is hands on with his players.
"Having somebody right there talking to us the whole time, being enthusiastic, it makes a difference, and I could tell a difference,” receiver John Cole told the Tennessean newspaper after one of the first practices under Caldwell.
“While the practices under Coach Johnson and Coach Caldwell were both very similar, there were some unique qualities that Coach Caldwell brought to this practice."
The Commodores are in trouble because they lost four starters on the offensive line, not to mention their offensive line coach, who was Caldwell.
The remedy was a shrewd move by Caldwell. He chased Herb Hand, the veteran offensive line coach at Tulsa, and hired him in mid-summer. Hand worked with some of the best spread-offense coaches in college football, Guz Malzahn of Auburn and Rich Rodriguez of Michigan, which should give Vandy opponents something to think about.
The Commodores return six starters on offense and five starters on defense, plus kicker Ryan Fowler. Once again they are picked to finish last in the SEC Eastern Division. If it is a bumpy ride this season, maybe Caldwell will make it bearable.
Not everyone is amused by Caldwell. Paul Finebaum, a radio talk-show host in Alabama and a newspaper columnist, said Caldwell should be on stage at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville as a stand-up comedy act, not standing on the sidelines coaching an SEC game.
Finebaum referred to Caldwell as "Larry the Cable Guy" and wondered if the coach is a misfit who is going to be embarrassed in September. The move to hire Caldwell, Finebaum argued, is further proof Vandy is stealing money and it should be pushed out a fifth-floor window, and right out of the too-rugged-for-you SEC.
There is a way to top the Caldwell story. If he fails, the school can hire Mike Leach, the former Texas Tech football coach who has his own peculiar personality traits. Instead of talking turkey with the media, Leach can talk about the history and lore of pirates (a fascination of his) and then install his spread offense.
For Vanderbilt, the unusual might be what the school needs to have some success in the SEC.
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