For every negative interaction with a partner — every criticism, passive aggression or dismissal — a relationship should have five or more positive interactions. According to what psychologist and bestselling author John Gottman, Ph.D., calls the “magic ratio,” that’s the key to ensuring healthy balance in a long-lasting relationship.
“The 5:1 ratio works ‘magically’ because it creates a buffer of positivity that helps couples navigate conflicts more effectively,” Awake Therapy lead psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., told Forbes. “Positive interactions — such as showing appreciation, expressing love, sharing laughter, and offering support — act as deposits in the emotional bank account of the relationship. These deposits build up over time and help cushion the impact of negative interactions, making it easier to resolve conflicts and move forward without lingering resentment.”
There are five highly influential ways to incorporate the magic ratio into a relationship, according to the Cornell University and University of Colorado Boulder graduate. Topping the list: It’s important to express appreciation on a regular basis.
“Making a conscious effort to recognize and verbalize your gratitude for your partner’s efforts — no matter how small — is akin to taking your ‘daily relationship vitamins,’” Travers said.
It’s also important to prioritize time with your partner. From planning date nights to quiet moments together, research has shown these interactions can be beneficial.
It’s also important to apologize and forgive. Mistakes happen, but taking responsibility and sincerely making amends can take a relationship much further than making excuses or attempting to justify mistakes.
“When discussing a conflict, focus on finding solutions rather than rehashing past mistakes,” Travers said. “Work together to understand what went wrong and how to prevent similar issues in the future. This collaborative approach can strengthen your bond and make both of you feel heard and valued.”
Another important factor is a person’s ability to accept their partner’s perspective. Practicing active listening, acknowledging a partner’s emotions and being open to compromise are great ways to make your partner feel heard and appreciated.
Last, keep it light.
“Research shows that humor is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction, making it a valuable tool in any relationship,” Travers said. “It can diffuse tension, create positive interactions and strengthen your emotional connection.”
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