One of the biggest mistakes we can make in relationships is not asking enough of the right questions. By asking these questions, you can discover what your partner needs and wants from you and your time together.
Here are a few to try.
What can I help you with right now? If you find yourself with some time on your hands, why not offer those moments to your mate as a loving gesture. Most of us have too much on our plates, and an extra pair of hands can make a big difference in getting things done. Plus, doing things together can be bonding.
How can I show my love for you? Most couples are good at saying the three little words, but actions speak even louder. Perhaps your loved one will want a kiss, or perhaps it will be some help in the garden. Whatever their request, showing your love will make your partner feel cherished.
Is there one little thing about me you would like me to change? Yes, this question can start a serious conversation, but by using the word “little,” you can lighten it up significantly. Sometimes we unconsciously do things that make our partner uncomfortable, but it’s not annoying enough for them to tell us. By asking this question, you can stop a little annoyance from becoming a big issue.
Is there someplace special you would like to go? You may not be prepared to fly to Paris on the spur of the moment, but it’s nice to give the one you love the gift of picking somewhere they’d like to go with you. You can also make plans for a grander vacation if the mood strikes you. It’s a great way to have something the two of you can look forward to doing together.
What is it about our life together that makes you happy? This question will prompt your partner (and you) to think about all the things that are good about your relationship. Just talking about the joys will make the two of you feel closer and add more depth to your connection.
Is there anything I can do to make you feel more loved? This tender question may render your partner speechless, at least for a moment. But even if you have a great relationship, your mate can surely find something to make your love even stronger.
What’s something you’d like to do together that we have never done before? This can open up some ideas that will excite both of you. You can just play around with different possibilities until you come up with a plan. Remember, doing new things with your partner will make you closer, and this includes brainstorming new adventures.
When you get caught up in daily living, even couples with excellent communication skills can forget to ask their partner what they need or want. If you get good at asking the right questions, your relationship will be better for it.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide. Reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com
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