Like an overstuffed stocking hung by the chimney without care, “Every Christmas Story Ever Told” packs every beloved holiday tale and tradition you can think of into a physically dexterous comedic romp for three actors.
Characters from “It’s a Wonderful Life” stumble in and out of “A Christmas Carol.” Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is re-imagined as Gustav the Green-Nosed Rein-Goat. It ends with a frenzy of caroling that attempts to pack every known holiday jingle into a two-minute mash-up.
Stitched together by playwrights Michael Carleton, Jim Fitzgerald and John Alvarez and running at Actor’s Express through Dec. 23, “Every Christmas Story Ever Told” operates in the style of “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged)” and the Hitchcock spoof “The 39 Steps,” shows that use a few actors and minimal props to zany physical extremes.
Studded with references to contemporary culture (“The Real Housewives of Bethlehem,” anyone?), vintage kitsch (remember when Santa zipped across the TV screen on a Norelco electric razor?) and a few freshly inserted local zingers, the play musters some genuinely funny moments, thanks to the game and energetic ensemble of Amber Chaney, Chad Martin and Bren Thomas.
But under Clint Thornton’s direction, what was advertised as a giddy 90-minute souffle turns into an amateurish, overbaked two-hour turkey. Except for the delicious, second-act shtick in which George Bailey and friends collide with Ebenezer Scrooge and company, "Every Christmas" is a wildly uneven, lazily written, high-decibel hodgepodge of fairly predictable hijinks.
The story begins as an imaginary staging of “A Christmas Carol” that never gets off the ground. The exasperated Bren (the actors use their real names) complains to the earnest Chad (dressed as Scrooge) that he’s burned out and can’t face another turn as Marley.
Soon, the mock-improvisers gather ideas from the house for an alternative entertainment, and we are gifted with raucous spoofs of Rudolph, the Grinch, Frosty and so on. The twisted little routines are interspersed with commentaries on the absurdities of Yuletide celebrations in other countries, read by actors from hand-held digital devices, as well as an out-of-control, “Saturday Night Live”-inspired broadcast of a Macy’s parade and a quiz show that’s rigged to embarrass and befuddle straight-laced Chad.
The piece is somewhat redeemed by the chemistry of the trio: Chad straining to keep the flamboyant Bren in check; Amber filling in the gaps of the tomfoolery and playing all the female roles. If you’ve seen the Center for Puppetry Art’s wonderful new "Rudolph” or Chris Kayser’s iconic interpretation of Scrooge at the Alliance Theatre, you’ll get an extra dollop of fun from the nonsense.
While it’s nice to see a play that happily lampoons the well-trod material of the season, “Every Christmas Story” feels like a waste of time and talent. It’s interesting that one of the most effective moments is also the most hushed: When the story of Christ’s birth is recited from the Gospel, the room goes quiet, and the tone shifts from the ridiculous to the profound. It's a lovely respite from the din, a signal that some things apparently aren't meant to be joked with.
Theater review
“Every Christmas Story Ever Told”
Grade: C-
8 p.m. Tuesdays-Saturdays. 2 p.m. Sundays. (Also, 7 p.m. Dec. 5.) Through Dec. 23. $25-$27. Actor’s Express, 887 West Marietta St., Suite J-107, Atlanta. 404-875-1606, actorsexpress.com.
Bottom line: A poorly crafted spoof of all things Christmas.
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