Sure, you might have felt genuine when saying, "I'd love to go to the movies!" But the creased brow, quizzical eyes, tight lips, and crossed arms (a.k.a. the signs of resting bitch face) tell a very different story. These nonverbal cues are extremely powerful in social settings and can be the difference between a stranger gauging you as friend or foe. Psychologists even estimate that body language accounts for more than half of all communication.
It's strange, then, that we don't think about body language more often. Before a presentation, job interview, or big meeting with a boss, it's common to practice and rehearse answers to questions. But we rarely ponder—let alone practice—postures and gestures to complement what we're trying to communicate, says Carol Kinsey Goman, a body language expert and author of The Silent Language of Leaders.
“There’s no right or wrong body language,” Goman says. “But it is important to think about how people are going to read your gestures and motions.”
To set the record straight (and unfold those crossed arms), we’ve scoured the latest scientific research and talked with experts to pinpoint the messages we might not even know we’re sending, from crossed legs to subconscious head nods.
1. Posture: Sit Up Straight
Mom was right when she said, "Sit up straight!" Sitting (or standing) with a relatively straight spine helps draw the shoulders back and down to make you look less tense or anxious [1]. When sitting, your back and legs don't have to make a right angle to maintain perfect posture. Studies have found that leaning back slightly (110-130 degrees for the mathematically inclined) is a happy medium that doesn't put too much stress of the spine [2].
Good posture doesn't just impact people's perceptions of you. It can also impact your own mood (and confidence). So why not pose with purpose? Amy Cuddy's TED Talk on body language popularized the idea of power posing. Cuddy and her colleagues at Harvard and Columbia found that practicing these poses—standing with hands on the hips like Wonder Woman and sitting reclined in a chair with hands interlaced behind the head—for just two minutes increased feelings of dominance and lowered levels of stress among test subjects [3].
If you're not in a situation that requires psyching yourself up or lowering stress levels, good posture can also be a quick lifehack to happiness. One study found that individuals recalled positive thoughts more readily with good posture [4]. So sit tall—you may just find yourself cracking a smile.
2. Head: Nod in Agreement
Nodding along in agreement during a conversation can seem automatic. Charles Darwin observed head nodding in infants and the blind, suggesting the gesture might be innate.
Nodding is an easy nonverbal cue to suggest agreement and encourage others to keep talking. But, as with anything, there can be too much of a good thing. Excessive nodding can start to seem inauthentic, says Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychology professor at UMass Amherst. There’s also a gendered aspect to nodding: Women tend to nod more than men, which can give the perception that they’re in a constant state of agreement, Goman says.
3. Mouth: Crack a Smile
Smiling is a universal sign of friendliness, dating back to when our ancestors had to quickly suss out: friend or foe? And with all of those generations of practice, we've gotten good at detecting authentic smiles. Rather than look at the mouth, we should focus on the eyes. So, yes, Tyra Banks was right all along when she told us to smize (smile with our eyes). But it might be best to steer clear of Tyra'ssubtle-sexy modeling eyes and opt for something friendlier. "When someone genuinely smiles, the cheek muscles rise and crows feet appear at the side of the eyes," Goman says.
Smiling has the added benefit of making us feel happier, regardless of our mood [5]. So don't just smile for others, do it for you!
4. Eyes: Connect, Don’t Stare
A lot can be communicated in a fleeting moment of locked eyes. And then, of course, hours spent trying to understand: Was that romantic? Friendly? Am I going crazy? The eyes are powerful tools for connection, and the first place to look for everything from empathy to sarcasm [6] [7]. But elongated stares make us uncomfortable.
“You don’t want to be shooting arrows out of your eyes,” Whitbourne says. “Blank stares are just as bad. With eye contact, don’t be afraid to occasionally look away, especially if you need to be able to think about what you’re going to say.”
Averted eye contact is also a problem. Many think liars can't look you in the eyes, despite research that shows otherwise [8]. Since this myth is so pervasive, it's important to maintain eye contact if you want someone to think what you're saying is truthful.
Another thing to keep in mind with eye contact is blinking. “Excessive blinking is a stress reaction,” Goman says. “Some people tend to blink faster than others, but that doesn’t stop us from subconsciously judging people we think blink more than the norm.”
5. Arms: Keep Them Relaxed by Your Side
As any movie about high school life teaches, crossed arms send the message that you're closed off—and no one new is welcome to join the clique. "It's a terrible impression to give," Whitbourne says. "You might not be trying to, but crossed arms can communicate an heir of arrogance."
But despite the standoffish message, research has found that the simple act of crossing your arms can help people remember things [9]. So what should you do?
Goman says to be careful that you’re not “fig leafing”—clasping your hands just below your waist in the same area that you’d find Adam and Eve’s fig leaves. “It’s a kind of protective measure we take when we’re uncertain,” Goman says.
Instead, let arms fall by your side. Just make sure you're relaxed and not stick straight and solider-like. That’s equally off-putting, Whitbourne says.
For all nine body-language tips, go to Greatist.com.
