By Marialisa Calta
New York Times
There is no need for couples to break the bank (or rob one, for that matter) to pay for a wonderful meal for all the guests at their wedding reception.
Some brides and grooms are saving money, and bringing friends and families closer together, by borrowing a page from the church socials of the past and having potluck wedding receptions, instead of hiring caterers.
But having such an event come off beautifully, and with style, takes considerable planning — and a lot of communication with all concerned. And no matter how well the potluck is arranged, some guests may be put off by a request to bring food.
When Hayley and Tim Tuller were married this year at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Jacksonville, Florida, they chose a potluck reception because, Tuller said, paring the guest list of 250 was not an option.
“We really wanted to invite everyone who we invited,” she said, but the couple knew their budget would not stretch far enough to provide a catered meal for such a crowd. “Plus, we wanted it to feel like a homemade, family feast. And we both really like food, and we wanted the meal to be great.”
With the wedding in early January, they chose a “holiday buffet” theme. They bought turkeys and hams (for $500) as the main course and asked guests to bring just about everything else.
“People just blew us away,” she said. One guest brought a huge wheel of Stilton cheese. Another deep-fried a turkey. A friend of the groom baked two multitiered cakes. Tuller, who asked guests for their recipes in advance, printed them in cookbook form and gave them out as favors.
Ash Metry, editor of Inspiredbride.net, said that the success of a potluck wedding is “all in how you tell it;” it is important to communicate “you are doing this to celebrate the warmth and closeness of family and friends, not simply because you don’t want to pay a caterer.”
A potluck reception can save thousands of dollars. In 2013, TheKnot.com wedding site said the per-plate cost of the average wedding meal was more than $60, and Anja Winikka, the site director, says prices in places like New York City can easily approach $200 a plate.
But even a potluck is usually not cost-free. Some couples provide the main course while others rely on their guests to do so. Some rent tableware and linens, tables and chairs. Others use what is available at the church or hall.
Some couples provide an open bar (the Tullers spent $4,000 on liquor, bartenders and servers). Others ask guests to bring beverages in addition to, or instead of, a potluck dish.
The Tuller wedding exceeded the couple’s $10,000 budget by $3,000, but Tuller does not regret a penny spent. In fact, she said, she wished she had rented the china and glassware, instead of using the church’s, because she and her husband spent the first day of their married life washing dishes.
Meg Keene, founder and editor-in-chief of apracticalwedding.com, and author of the 2011 book “A Practical Wedding,” said the keys to a successful potluck reception are having guests who are comfortable with the idea and having many of them from the local area. “You can’t expect people to fly in holding a casserole on their lap,” she said.
She offers a few guidelines.
Outline your idea for the potluck in your invitations and make it clear that participation is optional. “The real etiquette breach occurs if you try to force someone to do something,” Keene said. “You can’t make your guests all wear pink, or force them to buy you a gift, or tell them they have to bring food.”
Devise a way to ensure that the potluck meal is well-balanced, varied and ample. Assigning types of food by the guest’s initials or asking for recipes in advance can work. Consider asking for a volunteer, or hiring help, to organize the potluck.
Consider providing the main course (such as baked ham and turkey, or chicken) to ensure there is enough to satisfy even the healthiest appetites.
Be scrupulous about safety in the preparation and storage of foods.
Enlist (or hire) help, from serving through cleanup.
Finally, say goodbye to the registry. There are people who will still want to bring gifts or who will come from out of town and not bring food, she said, and for them it’s appropriate to have a “word-of-mouth” registry: “The guest calls the mother of the bride, and she lets them know what the couple might like or need.”
Keene emphasized that a potluck reception need not be unstylish.
“The trick is to not let the word ‘potluck’ pigeonhole you,” she said. “Potluck doesn’t have to mean church supper or picnic though it can if that’s what you want. It can mean an elegant party if that’s your style.”
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