I made a quick stop in the ladies’ room before Mass where I spotted a young mother with a tiny baby in her arms. She also had a toddler who wanted her to lock the stall he was in, but she couldn’t because she was about to diaper the baby, who, she told me, was only 5 weeks old.
I offered to hold the door shut for the boy, and meanwhile noticed another, even smaller, fellow nearby waiting for this same mom to help him pull up his pants. I had to leave then, and I wondered how she managed.
Every Mother’s Day, I think about all the women who somehow keep track of toddlers and teens while they are also caring for infants. To me, this is a wondrous and amazing achievement — and I wish mothers weren’t made to feel guilty by the various experts who are always suggesting they are doing something wrong.
At one time, mothers who breast-fed their babies were told to ditch this ancient practice in favor of formula. Then when a generation of mothers dutifully switched to formula, the latest group of pundits declared quite passionately that breast milk was the only thing standing between a sickly child and a thriving one.
Mothers who allow a baby to sleep with them are assured — by some experts — that this is a good, secure way for the child to start out, while another group frowns on this practice and says it has to stop — or you’ll be stuck with Junior in your bed when he’s 10.
The pundits forget that much of mothering is done in complete chaos. Really, what mom has time to analyze the numerous, often conflicting studies while she is simultaneously constructing a meatloaf, packing lunches, wrestling with a never-ending mountain of laundry, burping the infant and making sure the toddler doesn’t eat the dog biscuits?
Still, amazingly enough, the vast majority of children grow up to become happy and productive citizens. And, yes, this includes the ones who were breast-fed, the ones who guzzled formula, the ones who slept in their own rooms from day one and even the ones who resisted potty training until they were 4.
My mom worried about her kids all the time. She wanted to stay home with us, but when the bills started piling up, she became a schoolteacher, and quite a good one. But she had to endure standing at the bus stop near our house and hearing her two toddlers pitching a ferocious fit at the baby sitter, while the other travelers commented darkly about “modern mothers.”
Today, the pendulum has swung back, and many women who stay home and do a million-and-one things like cooking meals from scratch, gardening, teaching the kids religion, volunteering at school — and don’t forget cuddling the newest baby — are often made to feel guilty because they aren’t “working.”
Well, if mothering isn’t work, then what is?
On Mother’s Day, I hope women will celebrate their achievements. I hope Mom and Dad will herd the children and head to the park for a picnic. Please don’t worry if the kids’ socks don’t match. Don’t fret if the dog eats someone’s sandwich. And most of all, turn a deaf ear to the pundits.
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