My heart sank when I spotted the first Christmas lights in the neighborhood.
Oh, donāt get me wrong ā I have nothing against sparkling reindeer and dancing elves.
Still, theyāre a stark reminder that Iām facing the third Christmas without my husband at my side. And I suspect Iām not the only one battling the holiday blues.
Itās the most wonderful time of the year, right? Thatās what the carols assure us ā as we supposedly deck the jolly halls and listen for reindeer hooves on the roof.
But perhaps you remember the plaintive plea in āA Charlie Brown Christmas,ā when Charlie Brown admitted, āI think there must be something wrong with me. I donāt feel the way Iām supposed to feel.ā
Iām guessing many people can identify with his plight ā like patients in nursing homes and hospitals, whoād rather be anywhere else on Christmas morning.
Grieving people whoāve lost spouses and children, survivors of broken romances and folks without jobs.
My husband, who was also my best friend, died two years and four months ago. Little wonder the holidays are chock-full of memories featuring this kind, gentle fellow.
When I was clearing out his closet, I discovered a long-forgotten cache of chocolates, which heād purchased for me one Christmas ā and then hidden from me, upon my request.
You see, I tend to wolf down such goodies, so we agreed heād dole out a few, rather than give me the whole box.
In my mindās eye I see us, sitting snugly by the hearth, opening each otherās gifts. I picture him munching on the Italian biscotti I made for him each year.
And I remember us filling the car with gifts and heading to Florida, where relatives enjoyed his sumptuous salads and homemade wine.
I love that simple babe in the manger, but feigning merriness is challenging. And I hope these tips will help you conquer the Christmas blues.
First, itās OK to forgo some traditions until youāre ready for them.
You donāt have to try every cookie recipe in the magazine and decorate your house so it looks like Martha Stewartās elves went on a rampage.
As for me, I no longer put up our little āCharlie Brownā Christmas tree, nor do I send cards. I still purchase gifts, largely for children, and enjoy admiring other peopleās trees.
Decide whatās meaningful for you and your family, rather than competing with the Joneses, whose dog wears holiday sweaters and whose SUV sports antlers.
Second, itās fine to decline invitations to parties when youāre not feeling festive. Thereās no law saying everyone must celebrate the season the same way.
For me, the heart of the holiday is baking cookies with my aunt and cousins, attending Mass and watching a herd of children level a mountain of presents.
Add a glass of eggnog and Iām good to go.
Third, bring joy to others, even when your heart is aching. It helps to remember Mother Teresaās advice about doing āsmall things with great love.ā
Sing carols at a hospital, visit a nursing home, call a friend and support a charity.
Part of my Christmas tradition is remembering faraway people, whose lives have been shattered by violence.
Each year I give money to Aid to the Church in Need, a Catholic charity that helps persecuted Christians worldwide.
Many families are without food, clothing, medical supplies and housing. They canāt easily thank their benefactors, but maybe weāll meet each other in heaven.
If youāre down in the doldrums this season, rest assured youāre not alone. And if youād like the gift of prayers, let me know ā and Iāll gladly add you to my list.
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