Every morning, Jim Duguay kisses his late wife’s wedding ring. He tells her he loves her and that he will make her proud.
It’s been three months since Duguay’s wife, Trisha, died in hospice at the tender age of 27. As told in stories in The Atlanta Journal-Constitution this past summer, she and Jim had been married just four months when she died. Most of that time, Trisha was in a coma.
In mid-May, just hours after she and Jim walked down the aisle, Trisha Duguay learned she had a brain tumor. Days later, after surgery, she fell into a vegetative state and never recovered.
For Jim, the overwhelming sadness of losing the love of his life so unexpectedly remains a daily reality. But he has also begun to move forward, keeping busy at work and planning a move from the house he and Trisha had shared.
“The hardest part is time growing between us,” he said in a recent interview. “I just have memories and pictures. I recognize that time will fade memories and I don’t want that to happen. I want to keep them fresh in my mind.”
Those memories regularly present themselves. Sometimes in big waves, sometimes in small, unexpected moments, such as finding some of her receipts or her lip balm in a coat pocket, simple, anguishing reminders of their life together.
When Jim and Trisha’s story was chronicled in the AJC earlier this year, it drew hundreds of e-mails from readers and attracted tens of thousands of online views. Jim responded to that interest by creating a Facebook page in tribute to Trisha. He continues to post occasional messages on the site, which has attracted more than 5,000 followers, many of whom continue to post messages of love, concern and prayer.
The Norcross couple got married on May 15 at a winery in Dahlonega. When Trisha fell ill, they spent their first night as husband and wife holding each other in a hospital bed.
They would have just 10 days together before Trisha’s unsuccessful surgery. Jim decided to make it as romantic as he could. He ordered her favorite food and surprised her with flowers, and enlisted hospital staff to help decorate her room.
“We were giddy to be married,” he said. “Even though we were in the hospital and Trisha had a brain tumor, we were still giddy newlyweds. It was the most amazing feeling.”
After Trisha fell into a vegetative state, she was transferred to hospice care. As they’d agreed before her surgery, Jim and her family had her feeding tube removed. Jim was by her side the entire time, and held her tight as she took her last breath.
Still in disbelief over the death of his bride, Jim tries to take life one day at a time. Some mornings, he said, it’s hard to get out of bed. But he does it, and tries to live a life with purpose. A life that would surely make Trisha proud.
He has found comfort in staying busy and getting back to work. Two weeks after Trisha’s death, Jim returned to his job as an engineer at The LPA Group. His work, planning and designing airport expansions, has been quite busy, something he’s thankful for.
He found a great deal on a house in Vinings and he’s planning to move there early next year. He’ll be closer to his parents in Marietta, and he’ll transfer to an office in Kennesaw.
He’s also been enjoying the football success of his alma mater, Auburn University, which will play in the national championship game against the University of Oregon. Even there, he sees Trisha’s presence.
“Trisha must be pulling some strings, because she loved the Oregon Ducks,” he said with a laugh. “They were her second-favorite college team. She would quack every time she saw them on TV.”
Jim continues to act in Trisha’s memory. He asked the Atlanta-based Brain Tumor Foundation for Children to use a portion of the more than $3,000 raised in Trisha’s honor for pink stuffed pigs with cards that say, “Love, Trisha.”
As a volunteer pilot with Angel Flight, an organization providing free medical transportation, he is trying to find ways for Angel Flight and the foundation to work together.
And he recently started writing in a journal, looking for a way to try to make sense of all that’s happened.
“Our relationship was like an island vacation,” he recently wrote. “It’s like you put me on a ship and you’re still on shore and slowly fading away into the distance.”
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