Dear London,
And you thought keeping a straight face during men's synchronized diving was going to be the really hard part about holding the 2012 Summer Olympics. ...
Instead, even before Friday night's Opening Ceremony, problems have descended on you like knockoff Speedo salesmen at a Michael Phelps meet-and-greet.
It's already rained so much there this summer that the venerable Times of London has resorted to editorializing ("It must stop raining, and soon."). Organizers have had to devise contingency plans for tennis, rowing, etc., in the event Mother Nature doesn't subscribe.
A private contractor hired to provide 10,000 civilian security guards couldn't. Miles of special traffic lanes reserved for competitors and other Games bigwigs have royally ticked off locals and totally confused at least one athletes bus driver who got lost for four hours.
Blimey. Or as we say here in Atlanta: Boo-you-know-what-hoo.
Seriously, London, we feel your pain, if only because of the slights we suffered as we played host to the 1996 Summer Olympics. Like being dubbed the Bubba Games by critics who'd never even been here (If they had, they'd have known we consider "Bubba" a compliment.) Or having some snooty international doctors organization urge that athletes and spectators be officially warned ahead of time about the supposed dangers (heat stroke, skin cancer) of our delightfully balmy summer climate.
And then there was poor little Izzy, the '96 Games mascot who ... well, never mind.
But at least Izzy, as blue and blobby as he was, had two eyes! The best that can be said of Wenlock and Mandeville — the creepily one-eyed and misshapen London 2012 mascots that look like Cyclops and Mr. Peanut had a one night stand — is that they'll never be kidnapped. Who'd pay the ransom?!
Based on our hosting experience 16 years ago, dear London, you should expect to hear plenty of snarky mascot digs like that. Also: media carping about long lines and commercialism. Every visitor you meet will ask about crumpets and the queen, as if you know her personally (in our case it was grits and Scarlett O'Hara, as if she was, uh, a real person). Americans in particular will be delighted to hear you speak English. And tell you your accent is funny.
On the other hand, you'll be the center of the universe for 17 days ("Nyah, nyah, New York!" never grows old). You'll meet wonderful new people from around the world or just around the corner. You'll stockpile once-in-a-lifetime memories and, in Atlanta's case, build a much more vibrant downtown as a result of subsequent development around Centennial Olympic Park. Sadly, someone bombed our beautiful new park during the '96 Games, resulting in two deaths and injuring more than 100 people. Part of Atlanta's Olympic legacy is to never forget those victims or stop praying that all future Olympics remain tragedy-free.
Including yours, dear London. We'll freely tell anyone who asks: We wish you nothing but the best during these Games. Not just because we know what a monumental, magnificent task you've taken on, but also because, well, we're not the ones speaking English with a funny accent.
Yours,
Atlanta
P.S. Say hi to the queen for us, and please send crumpets!
