Welcome to the unsocial side of social media.
Can’t see your friends’ Facebook posts any longer or did you notice that the number of your Twitter followers has dropped?
Bam! You’ve probably been unfriended or unfollowed.
Consider it the virtual version of shade.
More shade has likely been thrown recently as people use social media to weigh in on such hot topics as the removal of the Confederate flag, same-sex marriage and the accusations against comedian Bill Cosby, according to a totally unscientific perusing of social media posts.
Holland Carney-Derby unfriended several people after they posted what she considered offending memes or comments on her Facebook page about same-sex marriage.
Carney-Derby, of DeKalb County, had just wed her longtime partner when someone from high school requested her friendship only to send her a message that her marriage was an abomination and “not to be celebrated.”
“My page is like inviting someone in my home or to a conversation with a circle of friends in a restaurant,” she said. “It’s fine if you want to have your opinion on your page, but I don’t have to look at it on mine.”
Some are warned of the possibility of being unfriended. Others are blindsided.
A year ago, Derek Stevenson, a sales representative from Atlanta, discovered he had been been jettisoned to the former friend zone when he tried to post a comment on a friend’s wall.
The two, who had been friends for about eight years, had disagreed on same-sex marriage. Stevenson supported the legalization.
“It was hurtful because I thought we were really good friends,” Stevenson said. “Friends are not going to agree with everything going on in the world, but I can’t believe we ended a friendship over this. It hurt because I thought it was something we would be able to work through.”
He said the two have not spoken since.
Several people who unfriended others admit they didn’t really have a flesh-and-blood relationship with the offending party. At most it was superficial, perhaps a person from their old high school or a friend of a friend of a friend.
Dr. Sarah Vinson, an Atlanta psychiatrist, warns that just because someone is a friend on social media, it doesn’t mean you will share the same values and core beliefs. In fact, social media often gives people a false sense of friendship where one might not really exist.
“Social media is going to foster numbers over quality,” she said.
Some people post photos and comments that present a picture of what they would like people to think about their lives. It may or may not present an accurate picture. They only show what they want you to see.
It’s when they get emotionally upset about an issue that the “filter comes off,” Vinson said. “Then you see what everyone really, truly believes.”
Adelma Stanford has no qualms about unfriending people.
Over the years, she has unfriended people over posts about President Barack Obama and Trayvon Martin. Most recently, she deep-sixed about 30 people over the Confederate flag and same-sex marriage.
“People started showing who they are,” said Stanford, a social media manager from Gwinnett County. She has had a Facebook account since 2007 and counts more than 1,500 friends.
“My thing is I feel like Facebook is kind of like a second home,” she said. “We talk about everything — TV, music and sports.”
So, when people post comments that she finds offensive, “I feel a little bit betrayed. Why are you friends with me if you think it’s OK to have a (Confederate) flag up?”
It’s not just about Stanford. She worries how other Facebook friends may feel if they see a offending post on her page.
“When you start being mean and hurting people, I can’t be a part of that.”
Randy Stanley, a 26-year-old tree surgeon from Cartersville, figures he unfriended about 50 people who supported same-sex marriage and talked to a friend who claims to have deleted 60.
He started with people who changed their profile pictures to include the rainbow flag.
“I just don’t believe that way,” he said. Each time he saw the image, he got an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“I don’t want to look at it, so I started deleting people,” he said. “It was like it was being thrown in my face all day.” One was a woman he had just friended. Another was his uncle’s wife, who posted a comment after the Supreme Court decision that today was a good day in America.
The recently unfriended may not be left in the dark.
ABC News recently reported that a new free app called “Who Deleted Me on Facebook” will allow users to keep track of who dumped you.
In the end, though, did you need them anyway?
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