From meh to wow: How metro Atlanta students made college essays shine

Credit: Contributed

Credit: Contributed

Find a surprising context

Braeden Harris (Midtown High School/Kennesaw State University)

Meh: Braeden wrote about lessons from a sports injury. Because this is such a common topic, his essay wouldn’t stand out.

Wow: Braeden rewove his story around using a concept from a business class to fight for himself amid family pressure. This showed him as a learner who applies big ideas to his personal life.

Hook: “The 2023 school year had just started, and Day One in AP economics introduced me to the ‘sunk-cost fallacy’ that helped me make sense of a major shift in my life….”

Challenge expectations

Lincoln Murph (Decatur High School/North Carolina A&T):

Meh: Lincoln’s draft started with him helping a hungry person, a topic that can make a student come off as a stereotypical do-gooder.

Wow: Lincoln went deeper on what unfolded when other people randomly abused the hungry person. Heartbreaking rage led him to community activism. He showed he is willing to go far for what he believes in.

Ending: “I want to spread respect to everyone, no matter if they drive a BMW or stand up against the wall of the wing place and ask people for money. This event opened my eyes to the reality that helping people is important, but uniting people in respect is how we can make the greatest difference.”

Look for a symbol

Allison McQuiston (Druid Hills High School/Colorado State University)

Meh: For class, Allie had beautifully written — 2,700 words! — about an annual beach trip. To submit it as a 650-word Common App essay, she had to cut 75%.

Wow: Allie focused on the inspiration for her environmental work. She used sand dollars as a symbol for how we remember and hold on to the past.

Hook: “At the age of five, I glanced from shell shard to broken shell shard until I saw a familiar silver form resting half-buried in sand….”

Clearly show who you’ve become

Jordi Schuler (Druid Hills High School/Dickinson College)

Meh: Jordi wrote a solid draft about being torn between cultures. The beginning was vivid and interesting, the end not so much.

Wow: Jordi revised her essay using a three-part character arc (from resentment to acceptance to celebration). Each part made his transformation vibrant.

Hook: “Sad stories about Cuba again? My Abuela and Abu were a source of embarrassment. I hated the barrage of Spanish, the earthy smell of Abu’s cigars. Abuela’s rich food was not what I saw in my elementary school cafeteria. Nobody was pulling arroz con picadillo out of their lunch box.”

Connect parallel versions of yourself

Evan Planeaux (Midtown High School/University of Georgia)

Meh: Evan’s charming first draft focused on a club he started in elementary school but offered very little about his most recent life.

Wow: Evan dropped most childhood details and added a timely example of his curiosity at work — the monetized Instagram account for college football fans that he had created.

Ending: “Creating the Bug Club and @Recruits.CFB may seem worlds apart, but I have learned that sharing my enthusiasm for a topic with others is a great recipe for satisfaction and success. I know I will always keep searching for spectacular specimens of all kinds, fully expecting to discover much more in this world that intrigues me and continuing to share and invite others into my discoveries along the way. My hunt for the extraordinary will never end.”

Yes, you can stand out!

These students wound up writing the story that only they could write, in an appealing voice that was distinctively theirs. They made interesting connections, and expressed them clearly. That’s how a college applicant stands out!

Michelle Hiskey (michelle.hiskey@gmail.com) is a Decatur-based essay coach and contributor to the new book: Writing Tools for the College Admissions Essay: Write Your Way into the School of Your Dreams by Roy Peter Clark. She worked as an AJC staff writer for 22 years.