Millions of Americans watched “The Golden Wedding” of Gerry Turner and his bride, Theresa Nist, who accepted the final rose after a whirlwind TV romance on the inaugural season of “The Golden Bachelor.” The show inspired hope for people wondering if it’s possible to find love later in life.
That bubble burst when “The Golden Couple,” both in their 70s, announced their divorce after three months of marriage. Some fans and followers were left wondering: If you’re lucky enough to find love in your golden years, is marriage always the best decision for couples in their 50s or older?
Till death do us part — again?
Divorce rates among people over 50 are at historically high levels, which can cause significant emotional and financial distress for men and women, including a decline in quality of life. This prompts many to proactively seek a new long-term partner after the end of a marriage.
Whether you’re mourning the death of a spouse or a divorce, it may take time to feel ready to jump back into dating and begin a new relationship in a healthy frame of mind.
Rondie Raines Vaughn, 54, of Hoschton, met her current husband on Facebook Dating about two years after being widowed at 50. Her first husband died of cancer — the same year as her now-husband’s wife succumbed to the disease.
“We just had so much in common, we understood each other’s experience, and it just felt right from the beginning,” she said of meeting her current husband, Trace Vaughn. The couple has five daughters between them plus seven grandchildren.
Credit: Contributed by Rondie Raines Vaughn
Credit: Contributed by Rondie Raines Vaughn
Rondie described dating after being widowed as a “free do-over.”
“My (first) husband was the love of my life; we were very young when we got married,” she said. There were things she knew she wanted to do differently. “My first husband had a lot of social anxiety. We had the best marriage and the most fun together as long as we were at home. I knew this time around I wanted to find someone who would go and do things and have fun out together.”
Finding a partner with similar religious and family values was important to Rondie , which she found with Trace . Figuring out the living situation was challenging since they’d both already sold their family homes and bought new ones after the deaths of their respective spouses. Ultimately, they decided to sell their homes again and purchase one together where they now live.
Rondie said they watched “The Golden Bachelor” every week and sympathized with the TV couple’s long-distance scenario.
“There’s no way we could have done the long-distance thing — being several states away. It would never have worked for us,” said Rondie , whose daughters and stepdaughters live in North Georgia. Even though the Vaughns’ romance was a whirlwind nine-month path to marriage, Rondie feels that marriage was definitely the right decision for them.
“It’s for better or for worse — we have our spats, like any couple, and we work through them.”
Credit: Katy Beth Barber/Contributed by Rob Stadler
Credit: Katy Beth Barber/Contributed by Rob Stadler
Timing is everything
About three years after his divorce, Rob Stadler of Alpharetta felt ready to dive into dating in 2015 – he was 55 at the time. He met Angie Stadler on the dating app Plenty of Fish in 2016.
“I think I knew she was the one from the beginning,” he said. However, when they first met he was dating around, and once he was finally ready for a committed relationship, Angie was then dating someone else. Once he and Angie were both single , they got together — and stayed together.
“We complement each other — we have always had that sense of being a good team,” Rob said. They also came from similar family and religious backgrounds, which made merging their lives together less complicated.
Together they have five grown children, and, like the Vaughns, the Stadlers say they each learned from their first marriages what to do — and not do — to find the right life partner for a successful marriage. One key factor was approval from their kids. Rob said after his initial dating attempts failed to last, he started involving his daughters and considering their feelings about anyone he dated. “They really took to Angie,” he said, which further confirmed that he was with the right person. Rob and Angie married on May 30, 2020, then celebrated with a post-pandemic party and “re-enactment” with family and friends in 2022.
Marriage isn’t always the answer
“Some people are just made to be married people,” said Angie, who considers herself one of those “made for marriage” people, “while some are not made to be married.”
Although many people improve their financial situation by cohabiting, marriage can have some negative financial consequences for older couples. Widows and widowers may lose Social Security benefits upon remarrying while remaining unmarried could prevent some future financial challenges for heirs.
Robbi Converse, 60, of Duluth, and her boyfriend moved in together in 2022 after about five years of dating. They’re committed to staying together for life, but decided not to get married for financial reasons. Remaining unmarried keeps their finances separate for inheritance purposes and avoids saddling their partner with medical debt should one of them suffer a prolonged health condition requiring extensive care. Converse feels this is the best decision for the couple, enabling them to financially protect their children and each other by remaining legally unmarried.
What the experts say
When older couples remarry, navigating the logistics of blending established households and integrating families can be complex. Jennifer Wilmoth, LMFT, CEO of Thrive Forward Therapy advises, “Consider creating a family vision of what you want your new blended family to look like in terms of traditions, values, lifestyles. Discuss with adult children how this vision might change holidays or where you might live.”
Compared to their younger counterparts, older couples bring unique challenges into relationships, such as health concerns, caregiving, adult children, and division of wealth. Wilmoth recommends proactively addressing potential health concerns and caregiving responsibilities. “Conversations before marriage about known medical conditions and established plans for caregiving are very important to blending your lives together and establishing dreams for the future.”
Understanding each other’s financial status and personal history can help prevent conflict in the marriage. “It is helpful for couples to discuss at length topics such as financial plans, the impact of relationship experiences, and family dynamics to know their partner well before marriage.”
Wilmoth emphasizes the importance of open communication and professional guidance. “A financial adviser could be a great partner in deciding how to combine or divide financial portfolios, while a couples’ therapist would be a great partner in conversations about financial dreams.”
Grieving past relationships before entering any new committed relationship — especially marriage — is conducive for long-term success.
“Since the first year after the death of a spouse or a divorce tends to be full of emotions, it can be helpful to wait to make major life decisions until you are through the first year of the loss,” Wilmoth said.
For a smooth transition, Wilmoth suggests premarital counseling which is “designed to help establish a helpful relationship pattern while navigating blending two families. This is even more important for couples remarrying after divorce.” To maintain a strong relationship, she recommends couples also “continue to experience new things together, work to develop a relationship with your partner’s family, and make united decisions as a couple.”
Wilmoth adds that marriage may not be the only option for all couples in their golden years. Consider what makes the most sense for the circumstances and needs of you and your significant other.
“Intentional conversations, including discussing each partner’s perspective and desires, are helpful in navigating whether to marry, live together, or live apart while dating.”
About the Author
