Hit the showers
From the You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up file comes word that Wednesday's Twins-Astros game in Minneapolis was rained out _ on Umbrella Night.
Chinese swimmer Chen Xinyi _ the first athlete to test positive for a banned substance at the Rio Olympics _ blamed it on swallowing:
a) Turtle soup
b) Cough medicine
c) Some green pool water
Paging Myron Floren
Starling Marte was walking around the Pirates' clubhouse Thursday playing an accordion.
Probably not the squeeze play his teammates had in mind.
Faster, higher, straighter
Great Britain's Justin Rose scored the first hole-in-one in Olympic golf history at the par-3 fourth hole during Thursday's first round in Rio.
But rumors that Rose's tee shot bounded in off a sofa could not be immediately confirmed.
Just call him LaBrinks
The Cavaliers and LeBron James agreed to a new 3-year, $100 million contract.
And if you think that amount is eye-popping, you should've seen the subtotal before they subtracted the hometown discount.
_Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on BYU's 6-foot-7, 425-pound recruit: "To give you an idea how big college football players have gotten, he's a punt returner."
_Headline at TheOnion.com: "Michael Phelps spots estranged father Poseidon in stands."
_Blogger TC Chong, on beach volleyball players wearing either 1 or 2: "So have the other 97 numbers been retired?"
Leaving their mark
Best teenager alibi ever, thanks to our Olympic swimmers: "That's not a hickey, Dad! That's just my new cupping therapy."