Upon further Gronk review, I'm the one with the problem.
This realization began with a column I wrote last week about Patriots tight end/party boy Rob Gronkowski. I wondered what the reaction would have been if he had yanked down a woman's top at party like Ezekiel Elliott did.
I pointed out the difference (NFL investigating Elliott for domestic violence; Gronkowski never accused of such things), but felt there were enough similarities to pose the question.
Basically, I got run over by the Gronk party bus.
A lot of people disagreed, and the feedback was enlightening. The most revelatory moment came during a lively discussion on a Boston radio station.
One of the hosts said what it came down to was Gronkowski's act just upset my core values.
He was right, and it made realize how out of step I've become.
If people aren't bothered by some of Gronk's antics, I should not to let it bother me. As long as nobody gets hurt and no laws are broken, the mantra goes, what's the harm?
I'll try to not to be so judgmental from now, but please bear with me, Gronkites.
I came up watching players like Roger Staubach, Walter Payton and Alan Page. I couldn't fathom them doing the things Gronkowski is celebrated for.
Sure, sports has always had its cut-ups and carousers. The Boston Public Library could be filled with unwritten books about their antics.
The difference is they didn't want those stories to get out. Even if they did, there was no TMZ, Twitter, Instagram, etc. to instantly spread videos of them drinking champagne out of a stripper's shoe.
Now one of the NFL's biggest stars has made such behavior his brand.
As I told the Boston radio guys, John Matuszak would have made Gronk look like a choirboy, but he never organized a Tooz Cruise to Tooz Island where hundreds of fans could be Toozed.
He also never twerked, thank God. That's Gronk's signature move, though Miley Cyrus may yet sue for copyright infringement.
It's harmless enough on the many stages where Gronkowski has performed it by popular demand. Where I thought he veered into Elliott territory is when he hit the nightclubs, buried his face in a woman's breasts and made like a motorboat. Or he straddled a woman and started twerking away.
This is where half the original 13 colonies scream, "But they went along with it! Elliott's victim slapped his hand away!"
No doubt, Gronk's women gave consent. Though my guess is the videos we've seen represent a small percentage of his nightclub encounters. Somewhere along the line, our lovable galoot might pounce on a woman who just wants to enjoy a Cosmopolitan in peace.
One ill-timed twerk later, she's calling Gloria Allred and going after Gronk's 401(k).
I initially thought we'd gotten so used to Gronk's antics that we didn't realize the Party Emperor wasn't wearing any quasi-decent clothes. I was wrong.
People realize what's going on, but they don't care that he's half-naked and trashed in countless videos. We all laughed when Gronk went on national TV before the Daytona 500 and tried to bait a Monster Energy Girl into saying her favorite number was 69.
I laughed at that one, so maybe there's hope that my inner Church Lady will lighten up. Gronk's not a bad guy. Heck, by Lawrence Taylor standards he's Albert Schweitzer.
I just wish he'd give us a naughty wink when asked about his off-field antics instead of turning them into a marketing platform.
And I still wonder about the NFL's personal conduct policy. That's what has Elliott under investigation after the police dismissed the accusations against him. Among other things, it says:
"We must endeavor at all times to be people of high character; we must show respect for others inside and outside our workplace; we must strive to conduct ourselves in ways that favorably reflect on ourselves, our teams, the communities we represent and the NFL."
I've realized Gronk now reflects the core values of all those things. Otherwise, we would hear something besides cheering when he starts publicly gyrating his unit into women.
As long as they give consent it qualifies as showing adequate respect to all concerned.
Based on that, I had no business comparing Gronkowski to Elliott.
I think my next step is to enroll is some sort of Gronk re-education camp, where I will be first in line for the Kool-Aid.
To quote Gronk, better make it a double.
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