"I have been on my death bed and I'm not stupid. I can emphatically say I am not on drugs." – Lance Armstrong, July, 1999.
Hmmmm. Wonder why it is that there is so much public cynicism now whenever some athlete fails a drug test and cries foul so loudly, from the depths of his/her soul?
Sure, maybe somebody really did slip Wes Welker an amphetamine mickey while he was at the Kentucky Derby. It could happen. You could put battery acid in a mint julep and not taste it over the sugar and the booze. In fact, that might actually improve the drink.
So why do we roll our eyes?
“There exists no one who can truthfully testify that I have ever used performance enhancing drugs, simply for the reason I never have.” – Marion Jones, June 2004.
We are, by nature, trusting. We espouse innocence until proven otherwise.
It could happen. Someone, somewhere out there in the wide world of sports actually could be the victim of faulty testing or some outside conspiracy, although such Pollyanna-ism is getting more and more difficult to muster.
“I shouldn’t have to serve one inning (of suspension).” – Alex Rodriguez, Nov. 2013.
The echoes of the past drown out the protests of the present.
The Great Denials in Drug Testing History, and they are legendary, have not only smeared those who issued them, but have forever muddied tomorrow’s contention.
“I have never, ever knowingly taken illegal drugs and I would never embarrass my family, my friends, my country and the kids who know me.” – Ben Johnson, Oct. 1988.
Say an athlete is as drug-free as an Amish barn-raising, and through some horrible mix-up he/she tests positive, is pilloried in public and exiled from the field.
Go ahead and deny. Take a lie detector test. Cry. Call in the Pope as a character witness. It won’t matter. We can never wholly buy it.
There have been too many who have issued the most sincere-sounding denials and shown later to be as phony as Barry Manilow’s nose.
They are all just a day away from confessing to Oprah, seeking her forgiveness.
“If I had done this intentionally, or unintentionally, I’d be the first one to step up and say, ‘I did it.’ By no means am I perfect, but if I have ever made any mistakes in my life, I have taken responsibility for my actions…I truly believe in my heart, and would be my life that this substance never entered my body at any point.” – Ryan Braun, February 2012.
That, kids, is how you do it — you ride that high horse until it becomes impossible to ignore all the waste product it has left behind.
