When any of my friends or clients tell me about a date with potential red flags, I remind them very strongly to speak their minds. As women, we are often raised to people-please and hold back on calling out bad behavior. But if you want to say something, say something. Clearly, this man didn’t think much about what he said, so why should my friend care what she says in response?
I’m so glad my friend had the courage to speak up. She said, “When you’re done with your food, I’d like to go home. That comment about your co-worker really didn’t sit well with me.” He replied that it was a joke. She then said, “I didn’t find it funny. Our humor is just much too different for this to work.”
And, true to her word, less than an hour into the date, they parted ways. I was so proud of my friend for holding her ground and knowing her own boundaries and standards. It’s a lesson for everyone to know what you can live with and can’t live with. And if you can’t, it’s OK — and encouraged — to express that.
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Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.