The 5-year-old boy prefers his hair long, his fingernails polished and his closet full of skirts and dresses. He has been more feminine than masculine for as long as his mother can remember.
Talon doesn’t mind being mistaken for a girl. In fact he has asked his mother if he can be one when he grows up. She said yes, but doesn’t know what that will mean — if it will involve a sex change operation or living as a transgender person. All that Loni Jorgenson knows is that she will support her son to express his identity as he experiences it.
Talon is a gender-nonconforming child in a generally gender-conforming society. “When he needs new clothes, we go to the girls’ aisle,” said Jorgenson, who has a background in child development and works as a family navigator for special-needs children.
Research finds that a person's gender identity results from a combination of factors, including biology. The website GenderSpectrum.org says "pathologies" associated with a child's gender "diversity" most often result from negative reactions by others rather than from within the child.
The first time Talon wore a tutu to his preschool in Mason City, Iowa, he got teased. He came home sad, so Jorgenson spoke to his teacher, Jordan Nedved. This was Nedved’s first experience with a gender-nonconforming child, so she researched how other families have handled it. Nedved concluded, “It really can be harmful if you tell the kids, ‘You can’t do that, you can’t express yourself.’”
Nedved read her class a children’s book called “Jacob’s New Dress” and engaged them in conversation about wearing the clothes that feel comfortable to them. She explained that she and other teachers like wearing pants, though at one time those were considered men’s clothes. Since then, she says the other kids have been fine and Talon seems happy.
But not everyone has been on board with the approach. A private speech therapist told Talon’s mother his female attributes were getting in the way of his speech. She also said if he wasn’t required to be “more masculine,” he’d be made fun of growing up. She suggested they cut his hair, take away his “girl” toys and tell him to “talk like a big boy.”
Jorgenson found a different speech therapist. “I think she was working off her own agenda,” she said of the first. As for her son being made fun of, she says, “It’s something that he’s going to have to deal with … As long as we’re proactive and get the school on board, we’re OK.”
Iowa is one of eight states that protects people against discrimination based on their “gender identity.” But the Iowa Legislature recently failed to pass a bill that would have prevented mental health professionals from trying to convert transgendered, gay or lesbian people. Gender nonconforming people who are susceptible to societal pressures might more easily fall prey to professionals who claim they can make them more feel masculine or feminine.
The National Center for Lesbian Rights rates states on the strength of their laws and protections for transgendered people. But laws are just the first step. There is still work to be done to ensure our schools and other institutions don't unwittingly harm children like Talon in their most impressionable years, but embrace and support them to be who they are.
About the Author
