The start of a new year brings a sense of renewal and a feeling that Big Things Are Coming. Prognostication is in the air. Everyone from news show pundits to tabloid psychics are stepping out on a limb to tell us what 2015 will bring.
The New York Post weighed in on important topics ranging from Kardashians to the polar vortex to A-Rod. I won’t range as far afield, but here’s what will happen here in our burg:
The Atlanta Hawks’ dysfunctional owners, having watched the city’s other pro teams get huge public subsidies for new venues, hire a site selection firm. First order of business: deciding which churches they need to tear down for their new palace.
The NRA, not satisfied with getting the Legislature to allow guns in bars and silencers on hunting rifles, launches an effort to broaden carry rights at elementary schools. Like the group says, the only thing that will stop a bad kindergartner with a gun is a good first-grader with a gun. In a fit of moderation, the proposal would limit weaponry to BB guns.
Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed, who has bumped heads with do-gooders, city council members and other elected politicians, officially runs out of people to feud with. He starts randomly showing up at APS high schools, instigating shoving matches between mathletes and science nerds.
Democratic party officials, in hiding since last year’s meltdown, emerge and take up affirmation therapy: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and, doggone it, people like me.” They soon realize that they’re fooling themselves and slink back to their darkened rooms.
The Lexus Lanes on I-85 hit a record $15 commute on selected busy days, although motorists continue to celebrate the removal of the 50-cent toll baskets on Ga. 400.
The South Carolina developer who recently announced he was buying Underground Atlanta to create a mixed-use development actually visits the place in February and is never heard from again.
Tyler Perry’s deal to turn Fort McPherson into a movie-making Field of Dreams inspires Mayor Reed to divest the city of other white elephants. Producers of “The Walking Dead” purchase Turner Field to turn it into a 24/7 zombie emporium called The Field of Screams.
The Braves sue. They’ve been calling the Ted their “Field of Screams” for years.
Disgraced DeKalb Commissioner Elaine Boyer and convicted Gwinnett Commissioner Shirley Lasseter form a girl band. Their first release, a cover of “Somethin’ Bad,” outsells the Miranda Lambert-Carrie Underwood version.
Atlanta’s new streetcar carries its 100,000th passenger from the MLK Center to the College Football Hall of Fame. The federal government is so excited it earmarks $100 million to build another one between Tyler Perry’s studio and the Walking Dead attraction.
Cobb County Chairman Tim Lee concocts a plan to move both streetcars to Smyrna to shuttle Braves fans to sports bars. Lee’s secret plan becomes public when Cobb workers are caught prying up the tracks at night. Lee professes ignorance of the plan and blames it on an unpaid bond lawyer.
Gov. Nathan Deal goes a full year without an ethics imbroglio. He orders an investigation, figuring the lack of new accusations means Democrats and good-government types are up to something really sneaky.
The Braves, intent on rebuilding for their debut as the Cobb Braves, call off the season in September to save on Tommy John surgeries.
Legislators studying a proposal to legalize medical marijuana hold a closed-door, joint house committee meeting at Morelli’s Gourmet Ice Cream. Hours later, a red-eyed Republican State Rep. Allen Peake, primary sponsor of the bill, faces the press to say, “Wow! Just, ummm, wow!”
The Atlanta Public School cheating trial enters its sophomore year. Judge Jerry Baxter, sensing that focus is waning, starts instituting in-court pop quizzes to keep his charges on their toes.
Fred Thudpucker, a resident on the southwest edge of DeKalb County, discovers that his property is the only one in DeKalb that hasn’t been incorporated into a new city. He promptly declares it a municipality, names himself CEO and is indicted three months later.
And, of course, an ice storm shuts down the city.
About the Author
