Information: www.cryformenomore.com.
After her two children were killed in a car wreck in 2011, Deana Martin-Owens of Gainesville wanted to die, too. Instead, she has found a way to help other grieving parents get back to the business of living. First, Martin-Owens became a certified grief specialist. A year ago, she took her life savings and with her friend, Teresita Fawcett, started Cry For Me…No More. The nonprofit offers workshops, small group sessions and other services around the country to families dealing with what Martin-Owens calls an unimaginable depth of pain. She talks about how she survived that pain and why recovery is a constant work in progress.
Q: How did your children die?
A: My daughter was 25 and my son was 21 and were attending their stepmother's funeral in Indiana. On their way to the service, their car hit a patch of black ice and slid into the lane of oncoming traffic. They were hit by a semi and killed instantly. My 7-year-old granddaughter also was en route to the service but was in another car. I am now raising her.
Q: How did you get from there to the nonprofit?
A: I attended support groups for bereaved parents, went to counseling and took other proactive steps to learn to survive. I found that support is available around experiences with death. I envisioned a program that would take it to the next step — from this painful, dark pit to that first rung of the healing ladder. Teresita is also a grief specialist and had developed a unique program years ago to help people work through the trauma of loss and grief. I saw my vision in action through the program Teresita had created.
Q: Are your programs only for parents?
A: We work with family members 18 years and older. Children's grief is very specialized and we refer people to other organizations with that expertise.
Q: After your children died, did you get a lot of support from family and friends?
A: When you first lose a child, the entire community comes out and supports you. Then people go back to their lives and you never hear from some of them again. They don't know what to say. It is scary for them because, you know, if it can happen to me, it can happen to them. They think they will upset you if they mention your child's name. They don't realize that we cherish hearing their names. Our biggest fear is that our child is going to be forgotten.
Q: How does it make you feel when someone says, “I could never survive that.”
A: I say, "At times, I don't know how either. You would be surprised the strength that parents have. I have no choice except to go on because that is what my children would want from me."
Q: Are there parents who never get to that point?
A: Many parents have survivor's grief. I meet parents all the time who spend 90 percent of their lives in bed or are stuck in their grief. And yes, there are parents who don't survive this journey.
Q: Didn’t you lose your job after your kids died?
A: I got laid off and, yes, I believe it was in part due to my grief related symptoms. A bill in Congress would amend the Family and Medical Leave Act so parents who lose a child can take time off. When my children died, I was afforded five days from work per child. I was one of the lucky ones.
Q: How are you doing?
A: Depends on the day. If I am talking about the nonprofit and helping other people, then yes, I am functioning. I still grieve deeply at times and miss my children. That is a lifelong process.
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