There’s a saying that any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad. We honor those special ones on Father’s Day, but for kids without dads, there are extra-special men who volunteer as mentors.
One of the Fayette organizations that cultivates leadership skills and provides positive role models for young men and women is AVPRIDE, based in Fayetteville. Its leadership and membership are mostly African-American, but its emphasis is on care, not color.
Male mentors can be particularly valuable for boys who do not have father figures in their lives. And men who have learned from being fathers themselves are prime candidates for stepping up and stepping in.
Bernard Coston become involved as a mentor with AVPRIDE in 2014 after his wife, the late county commissioner Pota Coston, became a consultant for the group.
Growing up poor in West Virginia with his mother and six siblings, he knows what it’s like to be without a father, but says, “Just because you don’t have a father figure doesn’t mean you’re going to fail.”
With the help and encouragement of a high school counselor, Coston became the first member of his family to get a university degree, and now works for the Internal Revenue Service in Atlanta. His and Pota’s son, Bernie, is about to get his MBA from Georgia Tech.
He says one of the things that causes boys to stumble is the desire for instant gratification. As a mentor, he reminds them that he “started out with nothing,” but says “grit, determination and hard work” got him and others like him to where they are today.
Mentoring, Coston says, can help young men resist peer pressure and be more accountable for their actions, and steer them in a more positive direction.
“I’m a firm believer that it does make a difference,” he says. Being a father taught him the value of patience and understanding, and when it comes to helping kids in need, he says, “You’ve got to offer unconditional love.”
Craig Heath, AVPRIDE’s current board chairman, is also a father and a mentor. An electrical engineer who spent 25 years with IBM, he founded his own faith-based mentoring program, BounceBack Ministries, in 2007.
He says Fayette County benefits from a degree of affluence, but that doesn’t make its children immune to bad influences. The key is helping young people find their purpose.
Heath and his wife, Peggy, have three daughters, and he says, “Being a dad makes it real.” He connects with families through schools and churches, responding to requests (often from concerned mothers) to mentor teens in need of guidance.
“So many of our young men haven’t had even the simplest experiences,” he says, recalling a youth he mentored who asked to be shown how to shave properly.
He helps churches create mentoring programs that focus on accountability, as well as life coaching that can extend into adulthood. Heath says mentoring doesn’t have to involve large amounts of time, but it does require consistency and the message to young people that “you’re important to me.”
“It’s a process,” he says, “But it’s so cool.”
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