A walk and a pledge to stop drunken driving

At exactly 3:13 a.m. on Oct. 16, 2012, Amy Sands and her husband Skip got the call no parent ever wants to receive.

Notice I didn’t say sometime around 3 a.m. That’s because Amy Sands will never forget the moment Skip turned to her and announced Tyler Sands was dead and a bloodcurdling scream that seemed to come straight from the depths of hell filled their bedroom.

“That’s not true,” she told her husband. “It’s a mistake.”

Skip assured her it wasn't. This wasn't the police calling. It was the Oconee County coroner.

Tyler Sands was a senior at Clemson University, a finance major and Delta Chi fraternity brother. He was the youngest boy of the Sandses' five children, the kid who came in and lit up the room with a smile so big it wrapped you in warmth. He was funny in a goofy kind of way, but he was smart, too, known for being a peacemaker and bounds-keeper.

He was like a magnet drawing everyone to him in a way that each of them believed he was their best friend.

That extended not just to people but the things he let into his life like football and lacrosse and even a Pilates class he once attended with Amy, his stepmom. He gave his all to all of those things.

“In 22 years, he lived a lot of years,” Amy Sands said through tears the other day.

Twenty-two years, though, was all he got.

No one can say for sure why but that morning Tyler was heading down Shiloh Road with one of his young fraternity brothers, Patrick Michael McCool, behind the wheel.

McCool was in no shape to be driving. He was high on marijuana and booze, and it wasn’t the first time.

That morning, the weight of his feet pushed the accelerator to 70 mph, enough to lose control and send the car flying off the road and into a tree.

McCool walked away but Tyler Sands couldn’t.

He was dead, still strapped in the passenger side seat of his black Audi A4.

In 2013, the last year for which statistics were available, nearly 300 people were killed in drunken driving crashes in Georgia. Alcohol is suspected in the wrong-way crash that killed one woman and injured another one early Sunday morning on Ga. 400. Nationally, more than 10,000 lives were lost and more than 350,000 people were injured in alcohol-related crashes.

Underage drinking is a big part of the problem.

Kids like McCool are seven times more likely to be involved in drunken driving crashes.

By age 21, McCool had already been involved in four alcohol-related incidences, including drunken driving in three different states.

When Amy Sands was able to collect herself that morning in 2012, she called a friend to watch the couple’s two young daughters, Allie and Taylor, then their older sons before driving the two hours to Clemson with Skip.

It was Tyler’s birthday, his last and final one. There would be no celebration — just the profound sadness that comes with seeing your son in a body bag.

McCool denied he was driving Tyler’s car up until his day in court.

In July 2013, he finally admitted it and pleaded guilty to vehicular manslaughter. He was sentenced to five years to be served in prison and five years of probation.

Amy and Skip Sands had longed for that moment. It would mean justice for Tyler, but she soon realized no one had won. Yes, McCool was going to jail. But no amount of jail time could bring their son back.

“I know he will get out and that day will be hard because I don’t know what he will do,” she said. “I pray he will make the right decision and do something good with his life.”

Shortly after Tyler's death, the Sandses decided to support Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the work the nonprofit does to both raise awareness about driving drunk and underage drinking.

Those who wait until they are 21 to drink alcohol are more than 80 percent less likely to abuse alcohol or become alcohol dependent later in life than those who drink before age 15. In addition, those who wait until they are 21 are 85 percent less likely to be in a motor vehicle crash because of their drinking than those who drink before age 14.

It was clear more needed to be done to prevent drunken driving before it starts.

Allie and Taylor Sands, who weren’t even teenagers when their big brother was killed, took the lead.

Now 15 and 13, they vowed to never drink.

Last year, Allie's coach at Peak Performance Sports & Development Foundation Inc. launched "I Stand with Allie" as a show of support for what the teen is doing to prevent more deaths.

In 2013, they organized Team Tyler Sands and have since raised more than $12,000 toward that effort.

This year, Amy Sands decided to step up her efforts, too. She's co-chairing with Angie Macuga the 11th annual Walk Like MADD and MADD Dash fundraising walk/run Sept. 26 at Kennesaw State University.

She’s proud of the work Allie and Taylor are doing. The siblings regularly share their story with students and fellow athletes so they, too, realize the power of saying no to alcohol.

To date, nearly 1,000 of their peers have followed their lead and taken the pledge not to drink.

Grace Knutsen and Ann Rafeedie, both 14, are among them.

Hearing the Sandses' story is what did it, they said. The teens plan to renew their vow every year.

“We want to keep reminding ourselves,” Ann said. “Too many people have died.”

And sometimes they are as close to you as a son or brother. The Sandses can vouch for that.