Retreats for couples looking to reconnect

“I thought it would be helpful,” said Rob, who runs a trading desk for a mortgage company. “But you’re like ‘a whole weekend?’ I’m very religious, very faithful, but sometimes some of the group things I’m not that into.”

But what they found when they arrived at their “encounter,” as they call it, was that the focus was on each individual couple. “They tell you in the beginning if you have something to say, say it to your spouse. You and your spouse are in it together,” said Pam.

She said on Saturday they were asked to do a lot of soul searching, which was mentally exhausting but necessary.

“In order to appreciate Sunday, you had to have that emotionally draining kind of day,” said Rob.

That’s because on Sunday, the two had the opportunity to renew their vows. “It felt like I married Rob for the first time at this marriage encounter. When I did it 12 years ago, I was so young and you don’t really know what you’re saying, and you don’t have a history with this person,” said Pam.

And after being hesitant at first, Rob said he believes the encounter was well worth it. He said that while he and Pam still argue, “the edge is taken off.”

The value of marriage retreats

Nina Laltrello, a marriage and family therapist in Alpharetta, said she often recommends that her clients go on marriage retreats. But because she mostly sees couples with serious issues, she rarely refers them to Worldwide Marriage Encounter, which is more for marriage enrichment.

“When I’m working with couples who have had large betrayals in their marriage, the value of retreats is couples are asked to write and reflect with one another. That slows the process down in responding to one another so they’re not as reactive,” explained Laltrello.

While some retreats might be more about sharing and exploring feelings, others might offer trust exercises and ropes courses. Laltrello said it all depends on the couple's preference: “Not everybody is very therapy-minded, and there are many different ways to tap into couples’ dynamics.”

A mix of fun and therapy

On the campus of Berry College near Rome, Ga., sits WinShape Retreat. The 26,000-acre resort is part of WinShape Foundation, the charity developed by Chick-fil-A Founder Truett Cathy and his wife, Jeanette. Couples can attend weekend marriage programs that are part education, part relaxation.

“They’ll get about four hours of really good solid teaching, but the rest of the time we just want people to be unplugged, sequestered away,” said director Shawn Stoever.

Stoever, who has a Ph.D. in counseling and psychology, often leads the sessions along with his wife, Christina.

“We’ll tell stories of how we’ve done it wrong, share principles for how to get out of that,” he said. The difference between WinShape and other marriage retreats, he said, is that couples get that combination of experiential learning and play, rather than just having to sit in a classroom.

Maintaining your marriage

Jim and Carolyn Mayo of Peachtree City have been married for 29 years, lead the marriage ministry at their church, and still attend a marriage retreat at WinShape every couple of years.

“We think couples take better care of their cars than they do their marriage,” said Carolyn, who was a stay-at-home mom to their three children (they are now 25, 24 and 19). “Regular maintenance is just necessary with the pace of life. You can’t keep going at the pace that we go without stopping and taking care of your most important relationship.”

The couple said that the retreats help them with communication. “It helps us to value each other for who we are. We learn that we’re different, not wrong,” said Jim, a pilot for Delta Air Lines.

“Everyone needs to put their relationship on the calendar once a year -- like a regular checkup at the doctor,” added Carolyn. “Take some time away to do something very specific and intentional for your relationship.”

Reconnect in 2011

Whether you're on the brink of divorce or your marriage just needs a tuneup, there's a marriage retreat for you.

Worldwide Marriage Encounter

Weekend retreat recognized by the Catholic Church for couples who want to enrich their marriage, not couples in crisis. Couples need not be Catholic to attend.

Next retreat: Jan. 21-23, 2011 (7:30 p.m. Friday, Jan. 21, to 4 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 23)

Location: Atlanta Marriott Norcross, 475 Technology Parkway, Norcross

Cost: $75 per couple (covers food, lodging and programming). A donation is requested at the end of the weekend, but nobody is turned away for financial reasons.

Info: www.wwmeatlanta.org

WinShape Retreat

Offers signature programming for all types of couples with themes like “Romantic Adventure,” “Going Deep” as well as “Couples in Crisis.”

Coming up: The "Follow Your Heart" retreat is self-directed with WinShape providing the couple with a booklet to go through at their own pace. These can be booked anytime. The next scheduled retreat that's still open to the general public, "Courageous Hearts," is April 1-3 and focuses on communication and conflict resolution. Weekend retreats start on Friday evening and end before lunch on Sunday.

Location: WinShape Retreat, 2277 Martha Berry Highway, Mount Berry

Cost: $399 per couple for “Follow Your Heart” and $499 for “Courageous Hearts” (includes food, lodging and programming)

Info: www.WinShapeRetreat.org

Marriage Boot Camp

A four-day seminar where couples go through games and interactive drills to work out issues in their relationships. For all couples in serious relationships.

Next event: Feb. 9-12; 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Feb. 9-11 (Wednesday-Friday) and 10 a.m.-10 p.m. Feb. 12 (Saturday)

Location: Holiday Inn Gwinnett Center, 6310 Sugarloaf Parkway, Duluth

Cost: $1,200 per couple (includes programming, not food or lodging)

Info: www.marriagebootcamp.com