Her eyes were filled with tears as she shared her burdens. She struggled with insecurities, addictions and broken relationships. She was in the right place, learning about God and nodding in approval of the things I was teaching. She agreed that God was good. And yes, he has the power to set anyone free. But…
When I started talking about freedom from our past experiences, she started mentioning the long list of reasons why her life was in such terrible shape. She had never felt loved as a child. Her parents never affirmed her. She always felt inadequate, insecure. She knew her love relationships would not last because she sabotaged them. And it was mom and dad’s fault.
My heart ached for her. I had once been an insecure, needy woman as well. I could relate to her sense of meagerness and her pain. And it was also, I thought, my parents’ fault. But beyond sympathy, I felt like shaking her out of her trance. She had been caught, like I had been once, in the Blame Trap. And I am afraid she and I are not alone.
Many of us have similar stories. From something as simple as parents who had no time for us when we were children to verbally or physically abusive parents or spouses, many adults struggle with the weight of their past traumas. And although God is grieved by what happened in our past, I am convinced he does not expect our past experiences to determine our present or our future. He wishes to show us that the bad experiences we’ve had can be used to transform our destiny and to help others. But we must, first and foremost, choose to let our hurts go. We must set them free.
Strange as it may seem, if we are honest, we have to admit that sometimes our past becomes a crutch that we drag around to justify that we cannot walk in victory. It is easier to blame mom or dad, the ex-boyfriend or wife to justify why we behave a certain way. We are insecure, or edgy, or need a pill or drink every night because someone hurt us. All along, I imagine God, hands extended toward us saying: “Come. There is life beyond your pain. There is fullness of joy beyond your past. There is a future that is not determined by anything but your willingness to let go.”
It’s not easy. I know it too well. I used my “crutches” for far too many years. They were comfortable to me. But I found out that they were nothing but a trap, designed to keep me from reaching the purpose God had for my life. Once I realized that, I deliberately decided not to use my past to justify the way I behaved toward perfectly good people in my life. It was time to take ownership of my present, if I were to ever have a winning future. My bad attitudes and impatience had to go. My insecurities and neediness had to leave. I was determined to conquer them, by God’s grace and power.
He was there for me. With loving arms, God wrapped me in a love that I had never experienced before. His love was so deep and unconditional that it slowly erased all unforgiviness, pain and insecurities that had haunted me for years. And I know he wants to do the same for you. But first, you must be willing. Willing to forgive. Willing to leave the past where it belongs. Then and only then, God will guide you and set you free.
Patricia Holbrook is a Bible teacher, writer, speaker and frequent contributor to our Faith & Values page. She lives in Kennesaw and can be reached at pholbrook@soaringwithhim.com.
