ARE YOU AN INTROVERT?
Adapted from "Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts." For more information, go to Cain's website, Quiet Revolution (www.quietrev.com)
Some introverts are shy; some are socially confident. Some are terrified by public speaking; some embrace it. But they do have important traits in common. To find out if you might be an introvert, ask yourself these questions:
—Do you prefer spending time with a few close friends, rather than a group?
—Do you prefer to express yourself in writing?
—Do you prefer deep conversations to small talk?
—Do you feel drained after hanging out with friends, even when you had a really good time?
—Can you dive into a project or activity for hours at a time without getting bored?
—Do you like to think before you speak?
—Do you feel a little uncomfortable when you’re the center of attention?
—Would you prefer a weekend with nothing scheduled to a weekend with too much scheduled?
The more questions you answer yes to, the more likely you are to be an introvert.
Quiet, shy and better at solving complex math problems than speaking before a group, Davis wasn’t the most obvious choice for student council president.
“Who is this guy?” students said when his campaign posters went up.
But the eighth-grader really cared about making his school a better place, and, like many introverts, he was an excellent observer.
He’d noticed that many kids were bothered by lunchtime seating arrangements and that they liked to turn to one another for academic help, so he put together proposals for a peer-to-peer tutoring program and flexible lunchtime seating, wrote a speech and mustered up the courage to deliver it in class after class. His rival was one of the most popular girls in the school, but in the end, students voted for Davis’ thoughtful solutions to real-life problems.
“He figured out a way to take his very serious-minded, thorough-minded approach to life, and make it work for him,” says Susan Cain, author of the new book for tweens and teens “Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts.”
Cain, who sparked the modern introvert acceptance movement with her blockbuster 2012 best-seller “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” says that adolescence is a particularly tricky time for introverts, who prefer interacting with close friends to socializing in crowds and who need to recharge their social batteries with quiet downtime.
“That is probably the single hardest age in the life span of an introvert,” she says of adolescence. “When you’re younger, you’re less self-conscious. When you’re older, you have a lot of freedom to craft a lifestyle that works for you.”
But when you’re a teen or a tween, confident, noisy extroversion is the ideal, popularity is applauded and quiet contemplation is viewed with suspicion by both teachers and students.
“School in itself is kind of an all-day cocktail party with no alcohol,” Cain quips.
Still, she says, there are ways that introverts can chart their own course, succeeding in an extroverted world while remaining true to themselves.
Among her suggestions for young introverts:
Talk openly with your friends about how you like to socialize and spend your time. What are your needs? What are theirs? How can you compromise? You don’t want them to get hurt or angry if, say, you feel the need to retreat to the library during lunch period.
Find your passion. Everyone can benefit from finding a favorite activity, but for introverts a passionate interest serves a special role. We tend to get very excited about our interests, an excitement that motivates us to break out of our comfort zones and speak up, contribute and take a stand.
Draw on your strengths. Davis didn’t try to be like the extroverted candidate when he ran for student council president; he let her call for more parties while he figured out how to advocate for ideas he really cared about.
Be open to extroverts. Introverts often work well with extroverts, who recharge their batteries by socializing and gravitate to larger, louder gatherings. In Davis’ case, it was his extroverted cousin, a cheerleader, who urged him to run for student council president. She brought outspoken confidence and broad social experience to the table, and she saw his potential.
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