Mondays always come with their fair share of crap, don’t they?
But when a colleague walked in my office this week and used the N-word ...
(No not that one! If anyone ever comes in my office and uses that N-word, I feel sorry for them. For real!)
The word was nanny.
“I don’t know what your finances allow but you might want to think about getting some help,” he said. “A nanny.” It was like the word rang in my head, and I didn’t hear anything he said after that. I must have done a good job of hiding my sarcastic expression, because it didn’t stop him from advising further.
“My wife and I had to do it,” he said.
Well, kind sir, that’s nice for you and your wife.
I should probably keep it in perspective that this was coming from someone whose children are grown and mostly housebroken. So his idea of what an overnight nanny —hell, any nanny —costs these days is a tad bit dated.
I looked over my glasses and simply said, “I wish I could afford one.”
We got on the subject because I’m in a bind and it’s not the first time.
A few times a year my job requires work travel. This time, my boss gave me very early notice about an upcoming trip. He said he knew I’d have to make childcare arrangements. I appreciated the advance notice, because there have been a few occasions where a week’s notice was all I got.
It’s going to cost. Either it means your spouse has to manage (struggle may be a better word choice) alone or it means you have to get overnight help from someone. Even if it’s a family member it’s not like you can just up and go. All sorts of arrangements have to be made.
And the younger your child, the tougher it can be.
BS break: Don’t you hate it when you start talking about the pain of child care and work-related travel, and some childless person starts talking about their pets or their house plants? Please STOP doing that! It’s like a single person giving advice to someone who is married. STOP! Just resist the urge and don’t go there. I love you, but it’s not the same.
When work travel comes up, most of my friends get their parents or a family member to pop in. What a blessing that is! Someone who can not only watch the kid(s) in the environment they’re accustomed to and get them to and fro, but also a house sitter who can keep an eye on things.
But what do you do when the family is out of town and you can’t afford a nanny? I tell you what you do, you figure it out!
Sadly, there’s no such thing as a nanny scholarship fund. I know, because I looked it up. Really, I did.
I checked for a nanny grant-writing class. too. folks. Sorry, no luck there. Better yet, can I write off childcare on my taxes if it’s related to attending a work event or work travel? Hell, what about a GoFundMe account? I joke because I wouldn’t think of it, but others have done it.
When I started my job here a little over 10 years ago, not only did I not have a child, it wasn’t even a thought.
But now that I’m a parent, I’m trying to figure out how this is done. It doesn’t feel fair at times. I feel like I’m paying out of pocket to keep my job when I have to pay for a sitter to attend after-work events or pay for overnight care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a good-paying job. Things could always be so much worse.
Sometimes I’ve had to tell my employer that I just can’t go. And when that happens, I start spinning in a sea of guilt, anxiety and questions about whether it’s possible to be in a leadership role and be a good, present parent. Of course, that’s a whole other column for a whole other day.
My trip is at the end of the month. Mom can’t make it this time. Even that requires a roundtrip ticket and spending money. Family members aren’t always free — hello somebody! I’m trying to cobble together other alternatives.
I don’t trust overnight child care services, and I’m too afraid to try the online sites. I would be so worried on the trip, and it wouldn’t be worth it. And, well, I don’t have a nanny.
I looked up the cost of overnight nanny’s. There’s not one answer.
Some charge for when the child is awake. Try calculating that!
Some charge by the hour, regardless of time. I can hear my wallet screaming.
Some charge by the hour if it’s less than eight and have discounted rates more than eight hours.
Some charge a flat rate, often starting at $100 a night or more. Others charge by the 24-hour term.
From what I’ve read, it’s best to negotiate a flat rate per night.
There are formulas people use for paying for overnight child care. It’s enough to make you not want to go anywhere or do anything.
But enough of my moaning and groaning. I know you can relate. In my search for overnight care options, I did come across some tips for parents.
My favorite: Be prepared for inevitable emergencies, last minute trips, etc. Talk to your boss now about giving you a month’s notice on travel whenever possible.
Face scheduling problems head-on and set up your support systems ahead of time. Is there a teacher who will keep your child overnight?
For the sake of your child, try to arrange overnight care in our own home. You think you have anxiety about leaving? Well, children have anxiety about you being gone.
It's no secret that child care can become pricey. If you’re like me and living off one paycheck, the costs are more draining.
Your child's safety must always be your first concern, so skimping on quality care isn't an option. I shouldn't have to say that, but when people get desperate they get desperate.
The hardest of all tips for me: Try not to be worried about overstaying your welcome and asking for help from family and friends too often. They'll understand. And if they can't do it, they'll tell you.
Parenting is one big juggle.
That’s my story. If you’ve found a better solution please, by all means, share your juggling tips with other parents in the comments section. And be sure to look out for my next That’s My Story.
