The phone rang and I shot out of bed yelling obscenities.
I’d taken cold medicine and overslept, and my daughter’s school was calling to find out why she wasn’t there yet.
I was frantic, still half asleep, looking for shoes.
I ran in to my daughter’s room, and the bed was made. I was stunned and confused for a split second. I walked back to my bedroom.
It was a dream. A bad dream.
Yes, I’d taken cold medicine. But I’d already taken her to school, on time. She had made her bed.
As I lay in bed writing this column, I’m on day three of a pesky head cold, or maybe it’s my sinuses. I don’t know, but it’s nothing worth seeing a doctor about — yet. (Turns out, it was the flu.)
How many of you would agree that when mom is sick, it equals nothing but disaster in the house?
I remember a discussion with a mom friend once when my daughter was ill. I told the mom that I’d give anything to trade places with her and that I’d rather be sick than have my daughter sick.
My mom friend shook her head wildly. No! No! No, you don’t want that! At the time, I remember wondering why on earth she would say such a thing. What kind of mom would prefer her child have the head cold instead of herself?
Boy, oh boy, I get it now. This obviously isn’t the first time I’ve been sick as a mother, but it was my first time being sick while she’s in “real” school and not day care, where the schedule is a little more flexible.
Why is it that moms never ask for help, never want help and never accept help, even when they need it? I could barely talk, for goodness sake. What is it that makes us keep going anyhow? It was like I was walking dead with energizer bunny batteries. You know what I mean? I was sick as a dog, but still I was up when I was supposed to be, fixed the Eggos, dressed her and got her to school, then picked her up, bathed her, gave her a balanced dinner and read her a nighttime story.
By the way, I’m not at all looking for any sympathy, but can a sista’ get an "Amen"?
When I should have had my butt in bed, I worked from home, still taking conference calls. On one of the calls, I was told to get off the phone, because I sounded so bad. But the thought of falling behind made me do it.
I know I’m not the only one who does this, am I? I mean at least I didn’t do what some people do and take my germs into the office. Don’t you hate it when people do that? If you’re guilty of that, please stop! I’m convinced that’s how I fell ill in the first place, but I won’t put my co-worker on blast. That wouldn’t be nice.
Seriously though, as we enter cold and flu season, if you’re sick, please keep your narrow behind at home. Your co-workers will appreciate it.
So I worked from home. I napped when the Tylenol Cold Max kicked in. I drank lots of water and peppermint tea. Can you say potty every five minutes? OK — TMI — but you get the picture.
I really needed to go sit down, but I found myself folding clothes, washing dishes, unloading the dishwasher and even moving boxes to the basement. I was doing something whenever I got a slight burst of energy because it needed to get done. Nevermind the fact that I had a fever and I couldn’t walk up and down the stairs without breaking into a sweat.
By the third night I was ready to break a rule I have as a single mom. I decided to break out the NyQuil, since it always does the trick.
But when I became a mother, I always feared taking NyQuil at night. I’ve always been afraid that it would put me in such a comatose state that I wouldn’t hear my daughter if she called for me. Nevermind that I needed the sleep and I needed the medicine. You know anyone with that rule? I am being responsible, right?
No. What I should have done is ask for help.
I might not ever take my own advice here, but I’ll certainly give it. When people offer to help you, take them up on it. Co-workers and those in my village offered to help. They know who they are, and right here, right now, I’ll say thank you! They also kept telling me to get my rest.
Try to remember that if mommy is sick, the only thing that matters is that you get well fast. You may think you’re trying to do the right thing by pushing yourself, but you really aren’t. Even my 4-year-old said, "Mommy, you need to eat your breakfast like me so you’ll feel better." I didn’t realize till then that she even knew I was sick.
When I showed up at my daughter’s school wearing the same thing for two days, the teachers didn’t say anything — at first. My signature sickly attire is black sweats (the comfortable ones speckled with white beady lint balls), black hoodie zipped up to the neck, tennis shoes with no socks and a ball cap pulled down low. At pick up on the second day, a teacher asked how I was feeling and told me to get some rest. She wasn’t used to seeing me like that.
And there was this text from my mother: “I was hoping you were going to rest today. I know it’s your job but you need to take care of Monica or you might get really sick and have to take more time off. Maybe godmother or her teacher can watch her.”
To all of them I said the same thing: No, I don’t need anything. I’ll be OK. I’m fine. I’m feeling better. It’s just a cold.
I should have been saying: I can’t breathe, help! I’m tired, help! I need a good meal but don’t feel like cooking, help! I can’t make it to her last soccer practice, help! I don’t want to get out of bed, help! The trash needs to be put out, help! I don’t feel like driving her to school, help! I could go on.
What is it that makes us keep going in the face of falling apart?
I may never learn. You may never learn. Perhaps this is the reminder you needed.
So now I lay me down to sleep. I’m about to down the NyQuil. If I feel bad tomorrow I won’t work, I’ll sleep. I promise. And if I feel better, just maybe I’ll still stay home and catch up on sleep and eat. I struggle to lose a pound, watching what I eat and walking 30 minutes day. Three days of a cold and I lose 3 pounds like nothing.
OK, to recap. If you’re sick, stay home, don’t take your germs into the workplace.
If you’re sick and you have kids, use your village. That’s one of the reasons you have a village to call on.
Oh, and please eat your breakfast. Like my daughter said, you’ll feel better.
Can I get an "Amen"? That’s my story. I’m sure you have your own. Parenting is tough and being sick sucks, but I hope you get through the cold and flu season. Just remember, you’ve got all the help you need. Just ask!
