ABOUT THE COLUMNIST
Gracie Bonds Staples is an award-winning journalist who has been writing for daily newspapers since 1979, when she graduated from the University of Southern Mississippi. She joined The Atlanta Journal-Constitution in 2000 after stints at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, the Sacramento Bee, Raleigh Times and two Mississippi dailies. Staples was recently promoted to Senior Features Enterprise Writer. Look for her columns Thursdays and Saturdays in Living and alternating Sundays in Metro.
In a recent Sunday school class about loving thy neighbor, the discussion turned to a baker who made news for refusing to make a wedding cake for a gay couple because it was against his religious beliefs.
“Bake the cake,” I said, but many of my classmates disagreed. I was left wondering if their reaction would be the same if it were their gay son or daughter doing the ordering.
It’s an issue church-going parents of gay children are confronted with almost daily and in varying ways. Some respond like the parents of Daniel Pierce, featured last month in this newspaper’s Personal Journeys. They kicked him out of the house.
Carla Brown, a 45-year-old divorced mother of three, has done the opposite. She has come out in support of her sons, even though doing so could mean being ex-communicated from her place of worship, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
“Being the mother of a gay child in the South is not easy,” said Brown. “Being the mother of a gay child in the Mormon church is deadly for our kids.”
The Canton mother wants to lift the veil shrouding the subject of homosexuality in the Mormon church. She wants parents who are hiding in the shadows of the church pews to come out. Most of all, she wants the gay children of those parents to feel loved and accepted.
“Someone has to raise their voice for these young people who are being told repeatedly that love and marriage can only be between a man and woman,” Brown said. “Because of this we are losing precious souls to suicide and drugs, and many like my son, leave the church or lose their faith completely.”
Brown isn’t just reciting hyperbole, she’s speaking from experience.
Starting at age 11, her eldest son tried to commit suicide three times.
Brown never understood why until Austin, then 21, summoned her to their front porch one day and opened up.
I'm gay, he told her.
Austin had been raised in the Mormon church where he’d heard over and over that homosexuality is a sin, that if he responded to his attraction to men, he would not be allowed to enter into the celestial kingdom. Each time he heard the words, he left more wounded than the last.
Brown believes that pressure led him to harm himself.
“I had unknowingly brought my child to a place that said who he is a crime against God,” Brown said.
When Austin came out, people he’d known his entire life ostracized him.
Soon after Austin’s revelation, Brown’s youngest son came out to her, too.
On any given Sunday in churches and temples across the country, parishioners are taught that homosexuality is an abomination. The temptation is to condemn organized religion. I can’t do that, and neither does Brown.
She believes, however, that the church is wrong and that parents are shunning their children because of messages from the pulpit.
When queried about its stance on homosexuality, church officials would not comment but referred me to their website, mormonsandgays.com. "The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people," it said. "The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God's children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters."
But Brown said that was not her experience. After Austin came out, she sought support from church leaders but came up empty.
“I was hoping someone would say, ‘OK, how can we make your little guy feel welcome at church?’” Brown recalled. “What I got was, ‘I’m sorry you’re going through this. I will be praying for you.’”
An internet search led Brown to Mama Dragons, a Facebook group for traditional Latter-Day Saints who advocate for their gay sons and daughters. The women run support groups for gay Mormons and their families, a speaker's bureaus and help open shelters for homeless kids.
It became Brown’s refuge. Now she wants to launch a Georgia chapter.
She believes there are hundreds, maybe thousands of Mormons like her, sitting in church pews hoping the lesson of the day won’t damage their children.
“There are those of us in the church who will love and support you and your child because we know that is the right, Christ-like behavior, to love and cherish every human being,” she wants to tell them. “I wish that had been said to me when I went to see my bishop.”
Since stepping out of the Mormon closet, Brown said she feels like the Christmas Grinch whose heart starts growing and growing.
“That’s what my journey has felt like,” she said. “My heart has exploded with love and understanding, not just for my children but for other gay children and moms who feel alone.”
For more information on the local chapter of Mama Dragons, email Brown at carlabrown2007@gmail.com.
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