What's the right balance of parental involvement in children's education?
According to a recent Pew Research survey, a narrow majority of respondents — 54 percent — say parents can never be too involved in their children's education. But 43 percent say too much parental involvement in a child's education can be a bad thing.
Parental involvement was a hot topic earlier this year when Cobb County School Board member David Morgan suggested that if parents don't show interest and engagement in their children's academic work, then their kids can't participate in sports or other extracurricular activities.
The outcry was fierce and the measure was voted down 5-2. But the incident put a spotlight on the importance of parental involvement in education.
"For schools to be successful, families need to place an overt emphasis on learning," said Leigh Colburn, director of the Graduate Marietta Student Success Center at Marietta High School, where she previously was principal for 10 years.
"Parents need to be involved, and children need to see that their parents place high value on education," she continued.
Her perspective is echoed by the National Center for Families Learning: "... (I)t has been well established that young people whose parents are more engaged in their education do better academically than their peers, adding that "all parents — regardless of socioeconomic or educational level — can help their children succeed in school and in life."
Marietta mom Susan Wilson said she has been involved in her daughters' education through the years in a variety of ways.
"My husband, Neal, and I place high value on education. I believe teaching is a partnership between home and school, so I want my daughters' teachers and administrators to know they have my interest and support for a positive educational experience," she said.
Striking that right balance can be difficult. When children are in elementary school, parents tend to welcome involvement opportunities — whether it's going into a classroom to read a book, serving as a field-trip chaperone or participating in career day – and kids generally are proud to have their parents involved.
Yet, as children mature, moving into middle and then high school, parents may be less sure about the need and avenues for their involvement. And children might begin to resist their parents' attempts at involvement.
As her girls matured, Wilson said she stayed involved in their education, but her involvement began to look different. "I followed the leads and needs of my children and balanced that with my goal of having them be confident, independent children," she said.
Middle and high school are not the time to pull back from involvement, Colburn said. It's just the time to rethink what that involvement might look like.
During these years, she said, "You want to stay involved, but parent differently."
Sandra Sommerman, who lives in Marietta, said she enjoyed a lot of hands-on involvement in the educations of her two sons when they were in elementary school, "doing whatever was needed. By the time they reached middle school, she said her direct involvement lessened, and she realized her need was to be "more in the background."
When the boys began high school, she and her husband, David, saw themselves as "sideline coaches," she said.
Today, her oldest son has finished college and has a full-time job, and her youngest son is in college.
"Our parenting philosophy," Sommerman said, "was to be plugged into them individually, know them, and recognize their God-given talents, abilities and passions. And encourage, encourage, encourage them. Our involvement in school was a natural spillover for our involvement in every other aspect of their lives."
Wilson said that as her girls matured, she wanted them to develop a sense of independence but also know of her availability and interest in their lives. She said she resisted the urge to hover.
"Hovering places undue anxiety on yourself and your child. You prohibit them from developing confidence in working through conflict with teachers or peers," she said.
Wilson's oldest daughter is now a sophomore in college, and she said she continues to show interest in her education but avoids the tendency to over-parent.
"When my college student had to navigate through her freshman year, she would call and ask questions about how to work through various situations. I didn't call or go to campus to fix the situation even though this went against my instinct as a mother," she said.
Sommerman agreed: "Not hovering was an ongoing conscious decision on our part. Our goal was to raise healthy, happy, responsible, independent adults. To do that, it's a process over years of growing up, not a magic moment in time. Hovering does not help this process."
With her youngest daughter now a sophomore in high school, Wilson said, "I still check grades and ask questions about homework and assignments."
But, she said, as much as possible she expects her daughter to manage her academic life as well as balance academics with extracurricular activities.
In addition to the traditional forms of involvement, today, many schools offer online opportunities for parents to stay connected with their children's school experience. Among other tasks, parents can check grades and homework assignments.
But check those grades in moderation, Colburn said. She advised checking your children's grades only once a week. If there is a question or concern about a grade, speak with your child at home, rather than sending a text during the school day.
Colburn summarized her advice, based on her experience as an administrator and parent: "Spend a lot of time with your kids – one-on-one time – even when they resist," teaching them to take responsibility, be engaged and find their passion at school.
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