Let’s talk about why we’re so moody

ABOUT THE COLUMNIST

Gracie Bonds Staples is an award-winning journalist who has been writing for daily newspapers since 1979, when she graduated from the University of Southern Mississippi. She joined The Atlanta Journal-Constitution in 2000 after stints at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, the Sacramento Bee, Raleigh Times and two Mississippi dailies. Staples was recently promoted to Senior Features Enterprise Writer. Look for her columns Thursdays and Saturdays in Living and alternating Sundays in Metro.

The last time I was in a room with this circle of women, conversational salons like Say-So were just starting to emerge across the country.

The conversation that night sounded to me like the kind that’s bound to happen in a beauty salon among women and was just as wide-ranging.

You may or may not recall, but Say-So was founded by Eve Mannes, Dot Blum and Judy Mozen, friends who loved being together but rarely found the time to connect on an emotional level.

To do that, they decided to gather once a month with two dozen other women — some with like minds, some different — simply to talk.

As you can imagine, there’s always quite a bit of laughter, but not on this night. The conversation was far more solemn and yet what was said needed shouting from the rooftop: It’s OK to be the “moody bitches” we are.

I’ve known plenty of women who refer to themselves that way, but I never liked that word. Bitch always reminded me of a dog, so I could never make that leap, but Dr. Julie Holland does.

If you hadn’t heard by now, Holland is the author of, yes, “Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, the Sleep You’re Missing, the Sex You’re Not Having, and What’s Really Making You Crazy.”

It seemed fitting that the women at Say-So would open their discussion with mention of the book.

As one woman hastened to say after reading an excerpt, “I’m not on medication tonight because I prefer to be pissed off.”

Heck, maybe they were all peed off, but let me be clear, Holland isn’t advocating women not take their meds if, for instance, they’ve been diagnosed with depression or some other psychiatric illness.

What she is saying is that our emotionality is a sign of health, not disease; of power, not weakness. Indeed, research shows that mood disorders may be overdiagnosed. A 2013 study of more than 5,000 people, for instance, found that nearly 63 percent had been told they had depression even though they did not meet the clinical criteria.

That’s troubling but so, too, is this from Cynthia Wainscott: Suicide is still a stage 4 outcome.

When you have cancer, no one tells you to wait until it's at stage 4 to get treatment. But with mental health, it's different. Remember Kisha Holmes, who recently killed herself and her three children in the family's Cobb County apartment? They might still be alive if Holmes had gotten the attention she needed when she needed it.

“How well a mind works has everything to do with life outcomes,” said Wainscott, who facilitated the recent Say-So discussion and has spent the past 27 years doing mental health education work. “A healthy mind can develop and sustain positive relationships, can delay gratification so that personal goals are reached, can attain an inner peace that will enrich life.”

That sounds pretty esoteric, but here is a concrete example. We rarely think of it this way, but one of the most avoidable “traps” for women, early pregnancy, starts with a decision made between the ears. If a young woman learns problem-solving, develops resiliency, and knows how to identify goals (all functions of the mind), she is on the way to making decisions that result in self-sufficiency and happiness.

It’s true the term “self-esteem” has fallen out of favor, but the idea that a person who recognizes their own worth will do better than one who thinks that abuse or self-abuse is acceptable or normal is a no-brainer.

“A mother who is at peace with herself is in a position to provide strong leadership for her children, and relate in healthy ways with her partner,” said Wainscott.

Feeling like breaking out in song? “If you’re moody and you know it, clap your hands. If …”

The thing is, sometimes illness comes unbidden. Depression, for example, will affect one in four women in their lifetimes. Postpartum depression severe enough that the mother needs treatment occurs after 10 percent of births. Untreated depression can disrupt relationships, damage the capacity to perform daily tasks at home or at work, and can even cause death. Anxiety and eating disorders are considered epidemic in women today.

So, I asked Wainscott, what needs to happen?

In short, we need to, well, say so, speak up. Change comes most often through vigorous advocacy for awareness and fairness.

Here’s what we can do, Wainscott said:

And, for heaven’s sake, keep talking about it. That is, after all, how we won the right to vote.

Wainscott said she’s delighted that the Say-So women are energized around the issue.

That makes two of us. If there was ever a group of women who could effect change, this is it.