When you’ve been the bride-to-be for more than a year — planning, anticipating and counting down to the big day — it’s not unusual to succumb to disappointment after the party’s over. The same can be said for anyone planning a major event — a huge party, a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, a starring performance. After all that planning, the everyday world is suddenly, well, everyday.
“It seems like there are two kinds of disappointments that happen when a wedding or big event ends,” said Jude Bijou, a marriage and family therapist and author of “Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life” (Riviera Press). “First, there’s the sadness that it’s over and it means we have to recalibrate and move forward without being the center of attention. And the second is any regrets if things didn’t go as planned or disappointment that the party wasn’t perfect.”
In order to look ahead to what’s next, first acknowledge the sadness you feel, Bijou said.
“Have a good cry and allow yourself to process it emotionally,” Bijou said. “Then you can feel the joy that’s there and move forward.”
More things to try:
- Keep the memory alive: "A month after the event, have a debrief party with a small group who attended and share stories," Bijou said. "Talking about it brings the good feelings back up."
- Focus on the positive. If your disappointment stems from regrets about the event, alter your perspective.
“Create a list of all the things that were great,” said Bijou. “Even if there were moments that you wish you could change, tell yourself that you did your best, and write down everything you are grateful for, and reread that list to remind yourself it was really beautiful.”
- Acknowledge your guests. Though often considered an onerous task, sending thank-you notes may be a helpful way to relive the event, and slowly let go.
- Embrace mindfulness — ahead of time. "You can get a jump-start on how to cope with the event ending before it actually happens by doing your best to be fully present for both the planning (of) and during the event," said Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher, a clinical psychologist. "When you're in the event, try to notice if your mind goes to, 'Oh, this is going to end soon,' and bring yourself back and say, 'I'm still in it. This is wonderful.'"
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