Dear Miss Manners: I know it is generally wrong to cut in front of another person in line. But in airport security lines, I sometimes see people fumbling around, getting everything out of their pockets, while I, who had previously put everything in my carry-on bag, can go around them, throw my bag and loafers onto the conveyor belt and go through the metal detector while they are still fumbling in their pockets.
I feel this is not harming the fumbler and helps those behind us who will get to the front of the line just a little bit quicker. I could ask the fumblers if they would mind if I go around, but then they would have to stop fumbling and respond, which would slow down the line even more. Am I wrong?
Gentle Reader: About the amount of time it would take for an exchange such as "May I?" and "Sure" — yes, you are wrong. She suspects that you are also wrong in assuming that it would be a problem to obtain such quick permission to move ahead from someone who needs more time.
While it is true that everyone in a security line is in a hurry (which is why an exclamation of "I have a plane to catch!" is not advisable), Miss Manners has observed that passengers struggling with their possessions behave a lot better than, for example, customers in line at stores.
This may have something to do with the looming presence of uniformed officials who are specifically charged with detecting aggressive behavior and have the power to bar passengers from flying.
In any case, omitting courtesy never increases efficiency; on the contrary, it angers others into offering what resistance they can. The presence of TSA agents may prevent someone you brush aside from punching you, but the possibilities for out-fumbling you are legion.
Dear Miss Manners: My father was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. We have set up a website for friends and family to visit for updates, but we need a polite way to ask that phone calls and visits be limited.
We want to ensure that the time my mother and father have left together is not spent taking "prying" visits or calls.
Gentle Reader: Certainly you can tell would-be callers that your father can receive visitors only at certain times, and if they overstay, you can gently say that you appreciate their coming, but think your father had better rest now. You can even say that he is unable to receive visitors at all.
But Miss Manners urges doing this judiciously. Of course your parents want time together. But when you dismiss visits as "prying," you discount the strength that the compassion of others can provide, both now and later. Far more difficult than regulating visitors is being isolated by indifference.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband sent out my daughter's birthday invitation to someone she had pulled from her list. How do I un-invite this child?
Gentle Reader: It depends on how bad you want to make the rejected child feel, and how much you want to teach your daughter that her whims are more important than other people's feelings.
Otherwise, Miss Manners would point out what an excellent opportunity this is to develop graciousness.
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