Well, hello there, brides and wives!
Looks like my column from a couple of weeks ago where I shared my choice not to change my name when I married has touched a nerve. The responses have been pouring in.
There’s no way I could print all of them, so here are a few.
Tammie Morris represents the majority of women I heard from who chose to take her husband’s last name and make her maiden name her middle name. She writes, “It worked for me and I was able to have both names without the hypen thing.”
Delores Stoner-Woodard does use a hyphen, with a twist. She is married to her best friend’s husband. Hold on, no scandal here. She and her second husband married after she was widowed and her best friend passed away. How sweet is that? She writes, “I felt strange having the last name as my friend, also, I liked my last name. My new husband didn’t object, so I kept my name.”
A big “Thank You!” to Caroline Leach who reminds me that there were women pioneers decades ago allowing me to make a personal choice today. “Forty years ago, I was almost turned away at the courthouse when we went to get our ‘official’ license because I would not take the envelope that contained a change of driver’s license and notification to the Social Security.
The clerk indicated that we might not be legal in the state.
So don’t take this question for granted. There were sisters and brothers who went through a lot so that this generation can even write of the option in a major newspaper today.”
Susan Leafman didn’t change her name and believes it is all a personal choice. She shares, “Now there is a new wrinkle in this subject. My older daughter is getting married and seems to be wrestling with changing her last name. My advice to her was don’t do what I did because it’s what I might expect, do what is best for your marriage.”
My favorite responses, as always, involve humor.
Sue Bilkey didn’t change her name and laughs at the consequences. “Our friends have combined our last names (Cobb and Bilkey) and to many of them we are the ‘Cobilkey’s’ and that’s fine with us as well. At our lake house we have a sign reading ‘Camp Cobilkey.’ ”
Lois Hertz shares, “I have been married for 30 years. I never seriously entertained the idea of changing my name. On the other hand, I don’t like my first name. Perhaps I could have changed that to his?”
As new bride Jean Love figures as she struggles with changing her name, “In the end, my last name doesn’t matter. We love each other and we’re married. We’re a family. That’s what counts.”
Daryn Kagan is the author of What’s Possible! 50 True Stories of People Who Dared To Dream They Could Make a Difference.
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