As ‘Little House’ musical opens, memoirs sing different tunes

Still, it’s all a drop in the milking bucket compared to the current “Little House” memoir craze, whose roots are planted in an achingly sweet TV series that was set in and around circa 1870s Walnut Grove, Minn., and which aired its last original episode 27 years ago.

On Tuesday — the same day, coincidentally, that “Little House on the Prairie — The Musical” opens at Atlanta’s Fox Theatre — Harper Collins will release “Confessions of a Prairie Bitch.” Alison Arngrim’s hilarious and heartbreaking account of her seven years playing “Little House’s” pioneering Mean Girl, Nellie Oleson, follows last month’s publication of “The Way I See It: A Look Back at My Life on Little House” by Melissa Anderson.

Anderson portrayed Mary Ingalls, older sister of spunky little future novelist Laura (played by Melissa Gilbert), whose narration launched the NBC series in September 1974: “If I had a remembrance book, I would surely write about the day we came to Plum Creek.”

Just as surely, Gilbert wrote her own memoir, which reached No. 5 on The New York Times’ best-seller list last summer. “Prairie Tale,” which recounts how the pigtailed moppet whom “Little House” producer/star Michael Landon dubbed “Half Pint” survived bad relationships (Rob Lowe!), problems with breast implants and booze and eventually became president of the Screen Actors Guild, recently came out in paperback.

“Something’s clearly in the air,” Arngrim, 48, said by phone from California. Now a stand-up comic and anti-child abuse and AIDS activist, Arngrim is something of an icon in France, where “Little House” reruns air at noon daily.

Even celeb-crazed TMZ sometimes posts photos of her, she chortled: “I think I’ve become more weirdly famous in the last three to four years than back when I was on a No. 1 show.”

If any more proof were needed of the TV series’ continuing hold, producers knew the then 44-year-old Gilbert couldn’t play “Half Pint” when the musical premiered in Minneapolis two summers ago. So they cast her as Ma, the role she’s scheduled to play eight times in six days here.

Don’t have time to read all three books by opening night? Check out our Prairie (Memoir) Home Companion.

"Prairie Tale: A Memoir" by Melissa Gilbert

The basics: Adopted at birth and famous by age 10, she spent years trying to please others, especially the men in her life: Her real father, her TV one (the tough but caring Landon), Lowe and other boyfriends and her writer/actor first husband. Once she stopped drinking and bottling up her emotions, she found “Little House”-like happiness with her second husband and their blended family of four sons.

The family business: Maternal grandfather Harry Crane was a comedy writer who co-created “The Honeymooners.” Half-sister Sara Gilbert was Darlene on “Roseanne.”

Best “Little House” scoop: A “very sweet” Shannen Doherty, 12, joined the show in its final season and tried to copy everything Gilbert did. Years later, Doherty slept with Gilbert’s first husband, Bo Brinkman, during the couple’s trial separation. She quotes Doherty’s “too ‘Single White Female’ ” remark: “I told you when I grew up I wanted to be just like you.”

Best Landon scoop: Insulted when NBC canceled the series in 1983 without notice, he eventually made three “Little House” TV movies — and loudly got even. In “The Last Farewell,” a coldhearted developer buys Walnut Grove. Rather than live under his thumb, the populace decides to blow up the town, allowing Landon to demolish all the sets and props forever. “That was Mike’s [expletive-rich rebuke] to the network,” writes Gilbert. “He didn’t want to leave anything behind.”

Georgia connection: She can write about it, but we can’t in a family newspaper. Suffice it to say Gilbert, then 17, had “the moment when we first try on our woman shoes” — her words — in a Forsyth motel while shooting a TV version of “Splendor in the Grass.”

Facing the musical: Was terrified to sing in front of people early on, and kept answering whenever anyone called for Laura or Half Pint in rehearsals. Ultimately concluded, “I didn’t have to be one person to anyone, including myself. Instead of worrying about who I was, the key was to focus on who I could become.”

"Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated" by Alison Arngrim

The basics: Was a natural at playing haughty, naughty Nellie — despite being painfully shy in real life and hiding the fact that her older brother abused her. Once she embraced fans’ love of hating Nellie, she found “Little House”-like fulfillment by using her celebrity in comedy routines and on behalf of child abuse legislation.

The family business: Father Thorn Arngrim was Liberace’s personal manager. Mother Norma Macmillan was the voice of Gumby and Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Best “Little House” scoop: Nellie and Laura had good reason to look scared and mischievous when they fell into a river in one episode. Gilbert and Arngrim spent hours in the frigid water that day, with wet suits under their costumes and no bathroom breaks. Luckily Gilbert had an idea: “So there the future president of the Screen Actors Guild and I stood for the next hour or so, happily [wetting] our wet suits,” Arngrim writes. “[W]e were never denied bathroom privileges again.”

Best Landon scoop: Catnapping in the prop truck around 10:30 one morning, Arngrim, 13, was startled to overhear someone ask, “The usual, sir?” Landon, dressed as wholesome Pa Ingalls, pointed to a jug of Wild Turkey and responded, “Hit me.” Of the show’s on-set drinking, she says: “They not only filmed the show, but most episodes were completed ahead of schedule and under budget.”

Georgia connection: Arngrim’s Chapter 19 is titled “Fighting for Children ... and Larry [expletive] King.” It’s a big compliment to the longtime CNN host (the title refers to her father’s excited reaction to her being on “Larry King Live”). Arngrim credits the show with getting the California legislature to pass a bill strengthening the penalties for child sexual assault involving incest.

Facing the musical: Went to cheer on good friend Gilbert in Minneapolis when the show opened. “When I saw the girl who played Nellie, I wanted to throw myself out a window. Every time she walked on stage, everyone in my row turned to look at me.”

"The Way I See It: A Look Back at My Life on Little House" by Melissa Anderson

The basics: Went from one loving, non-show business family in real life to another loving, show business family on TV (she even understands why Landon gave her character blindness and less to do on the show). After two children, she largely gave up acting and found “Little House”-like serenity with her kids and her husband of 20 years.

The family business: At an amusement park, she says she saw the toll Landon’s fame took on his children and decided right then that kids should “always [be] the star of the family show.” (She implies Gilbert helped aggravate the situation, then rather disingenuously writes, “I’m sure that it wasn’t malicious.”)

Best “Little House” scoop: Academy Award winner Patricia Neal guest-starred as a dying mother of three children, whom townsfolk ended up adopting. The youngest of these new cast members was played by Kyle Richards, whose sister is Paris Hilton’s mother. Writes Anderson: “It’s strange to think of Paris Hilton and ‘Little House’ being related in any way.”

Best Landon scoop: Landon’s wife, Lynn, caught him having an affair with Anderson’s stand-in, although the woman soon after became a “Little House” makeup artist. Writes Anderson: “It must have sounded better to say you were leaving your wife of nineteen years for a makeup artist than a stand-in.”

Georgia connection: Nearly 50 people showed up at the Decatur Library last month to lob questions at Anderson about her favorite “Little House” episode (it’s a toss-up: the two-parter where she went blind and one where she rode a horse with guest star Johnny Cash) and whether she hangs out with her old castmates (no). In the crowd: A man from Shreveport, La.; a family from central Tennessee; and Nancy Cleaveland, who runs an excellent Laura Ingalls Wilder Web site (www.pioneergirl.com) out of LaGrange.

Facing the musical: She’s never been approached about being in it. “I’ve done ‘Little House,’ ” Anderson said at the library. “As an actor you want to play new characters, so I don’t know why anyone would want to keep going back.”

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Theater preview

“Little House on the Prairie — The Musical”

8 p.m. Tuesday, June 15-Friday, June 18; 2 and 8 p.m. Saturday, June 19;

1:30 and 7:30 p.m. June 20. $20-$65. Fox Theatre, 660 Peachtree St. N.E., Atlanta. 404-881-2100, www.foxtheatre.org