Here come the holidays, one of the most confusing seasons of the year for people out of work. Besides the strategic headaches related to the job hunt, job seekers must also contend with the holidays themselves.
In some cases, this means fitting gifts or travel into a very tight budget, which is challenging enough. But the season also demands a lot more socializing than usual, with strangers as well as family. While these get-togethers come under the heading of “mixed blessings” in the best of times, someone who’s feeling vulnerable or out of sorts might find themselves wishing for a sofa to crawl under until the new year starts.
Possibly the most awkward interaction for job seekers at seasonal gatherings is the dreaded “How’s your job search?” conversation. Family and friends have to ask or they risk seeming heartless. But the minute they do, doesn’t it feel as if all the oxygen just left the room?
Here's some good news: If you're feeling apprehensive about these conversations, you can plan some simple strategies to make things go more smoothly. I've got some conversational gambits to give you control of the discussion, but first, a word about what not to say when you get together with others.
The taboo list is actually quite long, but I can summarize it easily: Don’t initiate or participate in complaints about the job market or your search. Statements to avoid would include: “No one wants to hire an older worker” and “There are no jobs out there” as well as “If I don’t find something soon, I don’t know what we’re going to do.”
Never mind that this may be how you honestly feel. The problem with these statements is that they’re completely depressing and this is, after all, a holiday. The second problem? It’s not strategic. Remembering that most jobs are gotten through contacts -- including family and friends -- you have to ask yourself: Is being Debbie Downer the best way to induce someone to send me a hot job lead? Or do I just look pathetic?
Of course, once we remove complaints from the topic list, conversations do tend to lag. To fill in the gap, here are five answers to try when someone asks about your job search at the next holiday event.
1. “Thanks for asking -- I’d love to send you the list of companies I’m targeting so you can tell me if you have contacts at any of them. In the meantime ... .” This is a classic move in which you acknowledge the question and indicate that the questioner can be of help, but signal that you’re not planning to talk about the subject right now.
2. “Let’s talk about that after dinner. I could use your advice on some of the companies I’m targeting.” In this example, you’re again acknowledging the question and involving the other person in your process, but also indicating that you don’t intend the mealtime to be focused on your job status.
3. “The job search is marching along, but what I could really use help with is my car insurance. Were you telling me you have a good agent?” Notice how this answer brushes off the job search question and asks for advice in a different area altogether? This channels the helpful intentions of those you would prefer not to get job search advice from, while also steering the conversation to something less thorny.
4. “It’s been difficult, but I’m hanging in there. Let’s talk about something more interesting -- did I hear that Bobby’s team won the T-ball championship?” This is a blunter way of changing the topic, but still not rude. To pull it off, you’ll need a couple of alternate topics that you can introduce quickly.
5. “Pass the gravy, please.” Sometimes the only way to avoid discussing something is to ignore it. Even if it causes an awkward interlude, remember that being asked a question does not obligate you to answer it. If the going gets this rough, it’s a good idea to check with the hostess to see how you can help in another part of the house.
If you feel that a particular gathering would be too stressful right now, it might make sense to opt out or find a substitute event. Just don’t skip the season altogether if you would normally be celebrating. There’s a limit to how much of your life should be impacted by unemployment.
Amy Lindgren owns Prototype Career Service, a career consulting firm in St. Paul. She can be reached at alindgren@prototypecareerservice.com or at 626 Armstrong Ave., St. Paul, MN 55102.
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