Friedrich Nietzsche’s aphorism “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” may be widely believed, but in reality, something that doesn’t kill you can leave you seriously traumatized. When you go through a life-shattering experience, a very scary or tragic event, it can leave you with serious depression or anxiety issues, or even post-traumatic stress disorder.
When you go through a horrific experience, you don’t always come out of it fully intact. And I’m not talking about a trip to the dentist. What if you lost your job, ended a relationship or had to move because you couldn’t afford your house anymore? Victims of violent crimes can have lingering trauma related to the original assault. A serious accident might leave you mentally as well as physically challenged.
The condition known as PTSD has gotten a lot of attention since 9/11 and the wars that followed. Mostly, this disorder is used to describe what happens to soldiers returning from the battlefield or to first responders who’ve had to deal with a tragic rescue operation. The truth, however, is that a bad divorce can cause similar symptoms, as can the loss of a loved one.
A traumatic experience can change both your body chemistry and the way you look at life. You might not see people, places, and things the way you did before. You may find it very difficult to take in anything positive and enjoy your life and family.
Healing from trauma takes time. You need to learn to be gentle with yourself and with your loved ones. They also will have to adapt to how you are dealing with the world. One of the best things to do is to sit down with the people you care for and talk about how you feel and about what everyone can do to make life better for all concerned.
When I was young, I was a passenger in a horrible car accident where everyone was killed except for me, including my friend’s 12-year-old daughter. The memory still lingers, and the thoughts of it still make me shake and want to cry. This is something I will never fully get over, but I have learned to live with it over the past few decades.
If something has drastically affected you, you need emotional support and counseling. You may also need medication. Do not try to ignore your feelings. Denial won’t help you or anyone around you. You must admit you aren’t the same person; then you can begin to look for ways to make your life whole again. Getting help wherever you can might become part of your lifestyle for a while. Through a healing process of learning to cope and getting a grip on a trauma or tragedy, you will improve over time.
Once you are back on your feet, life will still be different, but one of the gifts that healing from trauma can give you is a new outlook, so that many of the little things that used to bug you or even make you mad won’t be as important anymore. What you will do then is find new ways to increase your inner peace and add harmony to the world around you.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with nearly 35 million readers. He is available for in-person and video consults worldwide; reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
Find more stories like this one on our Pulse Facebook page.
About the Author