I empathize with my MAGA brothers.
I’ve seen my income drop in recent years as inflation rose, threatening my ability to provide for my family.
Andria Lo
Andria Lo
I’ve felt humiliated at work, passed over for promotions.
I’ve railed at a “system” that seems rigged against the little guy.
My worries grew so intense this summer that I experienced panic attacks — in the form of heart palpitations, dizziness and sudden exhaustion.
I get the anger and grievance that animates many in the Make America Great Again movement. But I see a different path forward for us men — especially straight white men like me.
MAGA masculinity offers men righteous fury and a kind of social solidarity. But those are not sustainable, truly healthy remedies to what ails us today. They amount to turning our pain outward in the form of hate and scapegoating.
What I believe we need in this moment is healing. As individuals and as a society. And when we use the crisis facing men as an opportunity to transform ourselves and our nation, a richer, more soulful life is possible. For us and everyone around us.
There is a crisis among men. Conservative thinkers have been quicker to recognize the confusion, struggles and hurts of boys and men over the past decade or so.
Scholar Richard Reeves documented these challenges definitively in his 2022 book, “Of Men and Boys.” Reeves aggregated statistics showing boys and men falling behind educationally and economically. He and others have highlighted how the attention to historically marginal groups, especially women, have led us to lose sight of men’s difficulties. One tragic statistic: White men make up about 30% of America yet account for roughly 70% of suicides.
Yes, we live in a man’s world. A hypermasculine culture that prizes traits such as competition, self-reliance and stoicism. It’s a culture that has demeaned and hurt women.
It’s also one that has hurt men.
Most men have little power. Few of us are in executive positions at work. And not many of us benefit from skyrocketing economic inequality in the United States, where winners increasingly take all.
We men have been trained to see society as a zero-sum game, which makes the growing inequality feel like losing. It also makes diversity, equity and inclusion efforts to reckon with privilege confusing and seem unfair. Just another way to slide backward in terms of status and dignity.
All this contributes to a gender gap when it comes to politics — especially among young men and women. Large numbers of Gen Z women, turned off by the sexism and anti-abortion efforts of former President Donald Trump, again the Republican nominee for president, have moved to the left. And many young men, growing up in the wake of #MeToo movement and immersed in rhetoric that can sound antimale, are drawn to the unapologetic, muscular version of manliness offered by Trump and others on the right.
But MAGA masculinity makes things worse for men. It amounts to a more extreme version of traditional manhood, or “confined masculinity,” as Ed Adams and I put it in our book, “Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.” The masculinity exemplified by Trump boxes men into a very limited set of roles and ways of relating, including domination and never showing vulnerability.
But that masculine ethos leads to poorer health choices, such as heavy drinking, avoiding annual checkups and even ignoring the signs of a heart attack. It frowns on getting mental health support. The obsession with rugged individualism also leads to isolation — contributing to the epidemic of loneliness among men.
The lack of connection to oneself and to others, combined with paranoia about being a loser, can translate to acts of violence.
To be a fully human being is to blend archetypal masculine and feminine energies. Strength and vulnerability. Individuality and connection. Assertiveness and a willingness to surrender.
Surrender is what I needed to do in the midst of my recent panic attacks. Fighting anxious thoughts is typically a recipe for experiencing more of them. At least that’s been my experience.
What helped instead this summer was letting go and trusting. In God. In my doctor. In medication. In a community of friends and family.
What’s also worked for me has been committing to healthy practices, including exercise, meditation and updating my strategy for earning a living.
This formula has helped me feel much better in recent weeks. I’ve experienced fewer panic attacks and bouts of anxious thinking. I’m more confident and hopeful about the future.
At the same time, I believe we need to change the systems that wound us.
Can we build a much stronger social safety net, like those of Norway or Denmark, where losing your job doesn’t cause existential worries?
Can we reinvent organizations, so they look less like pyramids with kings on the top and more like pancakes. In other words, flatter structures where more people have true authority and can contribute with greater dignity and effectiveness?
Can we rethink our view of manhood itself? Can we evolve it so that it allows us to embrace our full humanity? Freeing men — and everyone around us — to live healthier, fuller, more soulful lives?
MAGA brothers, let’s let go of hate. Let’s heal instead.
Ed Frauenheim is a writer, speaker and consultant based in San Francisco. He coauthored the 2020 book “Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.”
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