No matter what happens on Nov. 5, I will be fine.
Without giving too much of my personal life away, I can say that under the tax proposals from the main presidential candidates, I will be virtually unaffected. If former President Donald Trump, the Republican nominee, wins and I somehow become a millionaire overnight (by signing a hefty mayonnaise endorsement, I suppose) then, hooray, I’ll be taken care of. If Vice President Kamala Harris, the Democratic nominee, wins and comedy truly dies (as the right says it will) and I start making less money, hooray, I’ll be taken care of, assuming that the Tiffany earring-wearing former prosecutor is, as her opponent says, a communist.
Credit: Handout
Credit: Handout
Honestly, though. Trump isn’t going to cut my taxes. I don’t make enough. And Harris isn’t going to raise my taxes. I don’t make enough. I think I’ll see the Tennessee Titans draft a true Franchise Quarterback before I ever encounter a transgender person in a bathroom at the local meat and three. And no one, no matter who is elected, is taking any guns away from law-abiding folks. Come next spring, folks will still be driving their gas guzzlers or their plug-ins no matter who wins on Nov. 5.
In my soon-to-be 37 years on this Earth, I’ve lived under the “rule” of seven presidents: three Republicans, three Democrats and Donald Trump. And aside from my overall will to live in this country (or live at all), I can’t really point to one thing that has been different for me under any of them. Maybe mainstream music and movies were better under former President Bill Clinton, but you can’t deny that former President George W. Bush and 9/11 served as the catalyst for some timeless bangers as well. With Trump and President Joe Biden, it’s been mostly memes, but you can’t really put that on them. Heck, I sure do enjoy volleying them back and forth in my various group chats.
Those group chats include comedians and high school buddies desperate for a way to stay connected in a world in which we have less and less time for each other. In each group, political memes or “TikToks” (I put that in quotes because, according to my wife, that’s just what all videos are called now) get thrown in the mix. We either agree wholeheartedly or mock with derision the stupidity we believe encapsulates the party we vote against.
Some in these group chats are bleeding-heart liberals, some are conservative and some are one of those two but act like they are libertarian so they can pretend nothing is their fault. But we all have one thing in common: We just want this darned election over with so we can get back to football.
Oh, I should mention that we all have one other thing in common: We are (for the most part) straight, white men. Probably should have led with that.
As I said, nothing is gonna change for us anyhow.
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that line from a straight, white man. “Why are people so upset at each other over politics? It won’t affect me anyways!”
This is an example of where you can be correct and be an idiot at the same time. Actually I hope it’s just that you’re an idiot, because that can be fixed easier than the other reason people say this line: They only care about themselves. They have no empathy.
Imagine there is a burning building filled with children and women, and you have two choices: Call the fire department or call a dude who got fired from the firehouse for being a terrible firefighter. Sure, that guy claims he is better than the whole fire department put together. But you remember all the fires around town that not only did he not put out but he actually started. Who you gonna call? True, it’s possible the whole building will fall down no matter who you call. And you’re not in the building, so who cares? Well, the women care. The children care. The parents of the children sure as heck care.
And though that might be an extreme metaphor, it’s not far off from what is happening in this country. This November’s election might not affect you and it might not affect me, but for God’s sake, can you not see that it will affect others? People you claim you love?
Let’s set proposed policy and even Project 2025 aside for a second. I could argue it until I’m blue in the face, but I know people will claim Trump didn’t write Project 2025 (he didn’t). And they’ll claim he’s not going to implement it (he might not, but JD Vance sure would after he pulls the 25th Amendment on Trump and takes a seat behind the Resolute Desk). Fine. Let’s not talk about things you need to actually read to understand.
But if you can look me in the face and tell me that you think the tone Trump sets and the fervor he unleashed hasn’t made this country a more dangerous place for people who aren’t white and straight and male, I’ll polish your Tony Lamas with my tongue.
If this election truly “doesn’t affect you,” then you should have no problem casting your vote for the person who doesn’t have Confederate and Nazi flags at her rallies. I mean if it doesn’t matter to you either way, why not? And, hey, if it ends up saving your daughter’s life in childbirth gone wrong, well, we call that a win/win, baby!
I’m Corey Ryan Forrester. I’m a straight, white man. I will be fine either way. But I’m gonna cast my vote for the people for whom that’s not true.
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