From finding the perfect gifts to assembling bikes at midnight, the holiday season can be particularly stressful for parents with children of all ages. For parents caring for both children and their aging parents, the holidays can be downright overwhelming.
So many people today face this added responsibility that they have been dubbed the “sandwich generation” — middle-aged parents sandwiched between their growing children and their aging mothers and fathers.
This dual responsibility has become increasingly common in recent years as older patients get discharged from hospitals earlier than ever. Earlier releases mean larger roles for caregivers who must now provide care that used to be given in hospitals. Not only are these frail patients coming home sicker, they are living longer, making the caregiving period more challenging.
Longer lifespans also translate into higher expenses, especially for people caring for parents with dementia. A study published last month in the Annals of Internal Medicine found that compared to heart disease and cancer, dementia incurred the largest health care expense in the last five years of life. While Medicare paid about the same amount for patients with each disease, the average out-of-pocket costs for patients with dementia was more than 80 percent higher.
If your loved one is seriously ill, you may find hospice is a good fit for your situation. Hospice care is an option for people facing life-limiting illnesses and conditions who have six months or less to live if the illness runs it normal course. Hospice can last longer than six months as long as the person still meets hospice eligibility.
Hospice professionals work with you as part of a team to help navigate the challenges. Hospice also provides volunteers who can give you a break from caregiving. A fully covered Medicare benefit, hospice care is most often provided in the patient’s home, but it can also be provided in hospitals, assisted living centers and nursing homes.
Whether you have hospice help or not this holiday season, what can parents do who are sandwiched between two generations? Here are tips to help you deal with caregiver stress:
1 Practice self-care. If you don’t take care of your own physical and mental health needs, you won’t be able to adequately care for the health of others.
2. Become an expert. The more you learn about the illnesses or disabilities your parents are suffering from, the less anxiety you’ll feel about your new role.
3. Talk about advance care plans. Find out how your parent wants to be cared for at the end of life. Does your parent want comfort care, which hospice can provide, or aggressive treatment regardless of quality of life?
4. Get a handle on costs. Sit down with your parents and have them make a list of assets and debts, income and expenses, insurance policies, wills and other important financial information.
5. Share the workload. You may handle the bulk of caretaking duties, but that doesn’t mean other family members can’t help. Ask your children to lend a hand with household chores.
6. Set limits. Be realistic about how much of your time you can devote. Ask the doctor about hospice care.
7. Encourage independence. Caregiving does not mean doing everything for your aging parent. Be open to technologies and strategies that allow your parents to be as independent as possible.
8. Prioritize. Make a list of all of the things that need to be done, and then prioritize them.
9. Turn to friends and family. While nothing will take your stress away completely, sometimes just venting your frustration to friends and family can help. You can also join a local caregiving-support group or find online support group help at www.caregiver.org
If you’re part of the sandwich generation, don’t let yourself get spread too thin over the holidays. You may feel torn between parenting and caregiving, but by finding a happy medium, you can make the holidays special for your children, your parents and yourself. Remember, hospice may be able to help.
Amy Tucci is president and CEO of Hospice Foundation of America.
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