Information on Warrior Care Network: www.woundedwarriorproject.org/programs/warrior-care-network
After 9/11, Matthew Barnes couldn’t wait to join the Marines. The Cartersville resident felt great when he and his fellow soldiers were celebrated in the streets of Baghdad following its fall. A month later was a different story. The grim reality of war that Barnes experienced — particularly the death of a child — developed into post-traumatic stress disorder. The years since have been marked by rage, drug abuse, nightmares and panic attacks, not to mention two failed marriages and an end to Barnes’ military career. In April, the former Marine sought help with Warrior Care Network, an effort between Wounded Warrior Project and medical centers, including Emory Healthcare, to treat veterans with PTSD or traumatic brain injury at no cost. Turns out the very thing Barnes hated doing — talking about his dark times in Iraq — is helping him recover.
Q: Did you always want to be a Marine?
A: All I ever wanted to do was be in the military. I initially wanted to be a pilot then 9/11 happened and I went into the Marine Corps two days after graduating from high school. I was trained as an infantry machine gunner and deployed to Iraq.
Q: How as that?
A: Great during the initial invasion. Then we pushed south from Baghdad. There was a car bombing at a mosque in Najaf and I was assigned to the hospital. I had to search the trucks coming in filled with charred, dead bodies for IEDs (improvised explosive devices). I got half way down a pile and rolled over a body that couldn't be more than two or three years old. I knew it was a little girl because a piece of her shirt had not burned. It was bright pink. I almost committed suicide shortly after that.
Q: Then what?
A: My problems really started when I got home. I went to church with my mom and had my first panic attack when people crowded around me. My anger kept getting worse and worse. So did the nightmares. I started using methamphetamines, which got rid of the nightmares because I wasn't sleeping. When I tested positive, I was court martialed and spent several months in the brig.
Q: What do you do now?
A: I am a shipping and receiving manager for a Lawrenceville company. After the military, I became a paramedic, which I loved, but the calls were about child abuse, suicides, shootings and stabbings. I was having nightmares from Iraq and nightmares from work. I had panic attacks every other day. I had night terrors and hit my wife at that time and my daughter in my sleep. That pained me.
Q: Why did you finally get help?
A: I am now married to my best friend. She and her mom saw the symptoms of PTSD in me and said, "You have to deal with this." I am a Wounded Warrior alum and saw the link on its site to the Warrior Care Network.
Q: What is the treatment like?
A: It is the most horrible thing I have ever gone through. You talk through a traumatic event while the team probes you for more and more details. You go through it again and again and again. After about four weeks, the events didn't cause me any more anxiety. My therapist said it was like when a family member dies — it hurts but you get to a point where you can talk about it.
Q: What has it done for you?
A: I had a lot of self-hatred and feelings that I did this to myself. I have learned that PTSD is real and not a weakness. I have my life back.
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