Sunday Conversation with Erin Brown-Lewis

In 2013, 23,000 babies in this country died before their first birthday. Finley Oblander, who lived only 23 days, was one of them. The little girl’s short life is making a difference. The Finley Project, a nonprofit started by Finley’s mother, is helping other moms who have lost a young child move from grief to hope. That journey is neither easy nor short, says Erin Brown-Lewis, Southeast volunteer development director of The Finley Project.

Q: How did you get involved with the organization?

A: My sister is a respiratory therapist in Orlando, Florida, and she happened to come into contact with Noelle Moore, the mother of this little girl named Finley. I live in Canton and my own daughter was born five days after Finley. My sister introduced us and Noelle and I had this instant connection. Then Finley died when she was just 23 days old. I just felt that I couldn't let Noelle walk this walk alone.

Q: What is The Finley Project?

A: It is a holistic program for grieving moms following infant loss. There are seven components. We provide help with funeral planning, meals, professional house cleaning and massage therapy. Those areas meet the immediate physical and practical needs for a mom's survival. The rest of the program is really the meat — getting the mom connected with an infant loss support group and professional counseling. The last part involves weekly, monthly and yearly follow-ups between a mom and a support coordinator.

Q: These things are out there. Do you just put them all together?

A: Exactly. When Noelle first lost Finley, she had a great support system. Then fairly quickly people resumed their normal life. Three weeks after Finley died, her husband left her, which honestly isn't all that uncommon. Noelle found that there were a lot of organizations that do pieces of this work but there was no program that could take that mom's hand from the time her baby dies and walk her through the next three or four or five years.

Q: How is losing an infant different from other kinds of loss?

A: No mother ever thinks that they are going to have a baby and then a few days, a few weeks or a few months later, they will be picking out a little casket. It is so devastating because it is so unexpected. The other piece is that there has been a kind of secrecy around infant loss. "How many children do you have?" becomes a hard question for parents to answer. We allow women to say, "I lost a child." They have a safe place to share with other moms on this same journey.

Q: What about the rest of the family?

A: In many families, the mom is the glue. Our feeling is that if we can support the mom, we are supporting the entire family.

Q: Who pays for the services?

A: The Finley Project pays for everything.

Q: How many moms are you serving and how did their children die?

A: We currently are working with 15 moms. The way the children died is varied. Several had genetic conditions and never left the hospital. We have one mother whose two-year-old drowned. We have a mom who was in a car accident and her husband and baby were killed.

Q: And moms actually come through something like that?

A: There is a hope that comes with this program. What I have heard from so many moms is that this is a journey and the pain is never gone. I do think it gets easier and with the proper help, moms do come through it.