This is another installment of Across the Divide, in which the AJC solicits first-person stories from readers about how they experience race. Each of the articles below was written by an AJC reader. The Across the Divide feature is just one part of the AJC's new RE:Race project, which is covering the dramatic racial and ethnic change sweeping Georgia.
‘I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach’
Sandy Mayfield, Atlanta
Credit: Contributed photo
Credit: Contributed photo
Pregnant with my first child and working full time with a nonprofit child abuse organization, I felt paralyzed about finding child care.
I just knew too much about the terrible things that can happen. The organization’s receptionist was on an extended leave and a colleague’s African-American mother was filling in. I found her to be smart, no-nonsense, capable and trustworthy. Plus she was kind, compassionate and patient — just the kind of person I would trust my newborn with.
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Since our receptionist was returning soon, I asked if she would be willing to take care of my baby. She said angrily, “Isn’t it always like this — black women watching white women’s babies?”
I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. In my mind, my question was borne of tremendous trust and respect for her — not borne of a racist assumption. It hurt terribly that she thought that of me — but then I realized my question must have hurt her terribly, too. It surely caused her pain to experience yet another iteration of the cultural tradition.
That made me feel even sicker. Yes, I had always seen black women pushing white babies in strollers, but I hadn’t really SEEN them. Hadn’t thought about it and what it means or says about us. Although it was painful, I’m glad this woman confronted me. It sounds contrived but she gave me a huge gift — the gift of sight. There’s no healing of the great racial divide without it.
Credit: Contributed photo
Credit: Contributed photo
Interracial couple became invisible in restaurant
Lisa Nielsen, Atlanta
I am in an interracial marriage. I am black and my husband is white. I remember a time when my husband and I visited a popular coastal city in Georgia and decided to get out and grab some breakfast.
We went to this restaurant that is known to serve good, southern cuisine. The hostess sat us at our table and left. The waitress soon arrived and took our drink orders. After several minutes of waiting on her to return with our drinks, we noticed others, who arrived after we did, being served their food and drinks.
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“Our” waitress kept passing by our table as if we were invisible, and each time my husband tried to get her attention, she ignored him. The next thing I know, my husband walked away from the table and found a manager.
He explained to the manager how poor our service was and how we had not been served. Although management apologized profusely, my husband and I decided to leave and go elsewhere.
We often feel like outsiders most places we go in the South, because we usually get sneers and jeers from ALL races, although I have not noticed it as much when a black man is with a white woman.
What happens in our most vulnerable moments
Pelham C. Williams, Atlanta
Credit: Contributed photo
Credit: Contributed photo
My wife and I are senior citizens, and for a number of years she has had a challenging health disability. One of her joys in life is to go for a car ride.
So, during the past several years we very often find ourselves in rural communities, and she will have to make a rest stop. Her health condition makes it necessary that I or someone assist her in the bathroom on these occasions. I usually try to pick a recognizable business establishment, but in many small towns, the local general store or barbecue restaurant are the most likely places.
Typically, the clientele and staff at these places are local white people. A male having to be in a female bathroom is a very sensitive situation, and the sensitivity is heightened when it’s a black male in an otherwise “white” female environment.
The truth, and why I am telling of this experience, is that the generosity that I have received from others (white males and females in small towns) has been wonderful. Individuals have come to our assistance in kind ways I didn’t think imaginable.
There are dozens of instances of kindness I can mention that my wife and I received during our most vulnerable situations. I am most gratified to have observed that people of many different cultures behave humanely and with acts of love and kindness.
‘That’s the kind of child you get’
Valerie Hall, Decatur
Credit: Contributed photo
Credit: Contributed photo
I am a very light-skinned African-American woman. My husband is dark-skinned. We have three children, and we often get stares because people assume we are a biracial couple.
One time my daughter and I were leaving a craft store and a white women with two teen daughters were entering. She looked at us and turned to her daughters and said, “That’s the kind of child you get when you mix races.”
That was the first time I truly felt I was in a “racist moment.”
Normally I take the high road, but this felt like an attack on my daughter’s self-worth. I am not proud to say that I gave the woman a few choice words in front of her children, but I wanted her to feel what I was feeling.
Many times I have been mistaken for being something other than African-American. But normally I am treated with privilege due to my lighter skin. That, too, saddens me.
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