Murika Erving is happier than she’s ever been. At 52, she is gainfully employed, owns her home, has a new Volkswagen Tiguan and is putting herself and her 21-year-old daughter through school. For repairs, she has AAA, a whole house warranty and Angie’s List.
“The only thing I’m missing is a man for the occasional movie, dinner or escort, but marriage is not on my radar,” said Erving, who lives in Austell. “I am happy being single.”
So are a growing number of other single women — and men for that matter. In fact, unmarried Americans might soon outnumber those who are married in the United States and Georgia. In 1950, 22 percent of American adults were single. Now that number is almost 50 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.
“Most Americans will still marry eventually,” said Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history and family studies at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and director of research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families. “But they are spending longer portions of their lives and making more major life decisions outside marriage. Marriage has lost its former monopoly over the organization of personal and social life.”
Erving is typical of the 99.6 million single and unmarried American adults who, over the course of their lives, will move in and out of this bulging demographic, said Naomi Gerstel, professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts.
Singles are a diverse lot, Gerstel said. Some have not yet married but will eventually. Some are widowed or divorced. And some have chosen to live their entire lives single. Some live alone. Some cohabit with a romantic partner. Some 16.4 million are age 65 and older, and 11.7 million are parents.
Erving, who divorced after 15 years of marriage, said she enjoys the freedom of not having to cook and clean, or look after someone.
“I can come home, change into sweats, and if I choose to have a glass of wine and popcorn for dinner, that’s OK,” she said. “I can do my thing without worrying about someone else.”
Marriage, she said, doesn’t allow for that kind of independence or freedom.
“‘I’ and ‘me’ gets lost,” she said.
Experts say an increase in women’s earning power is a significant driver behind the singles trend. According to D’Vera Cohn, a researcher at the Pew Center, many women postpone marriage to finish their education and get established in careers. Cultural reforms also play an important role.
Coontz estimates that a quarter of the marriages in the 1950s occurred because the women became pregnant. But as birth control methods became more reliable, people became less likely to wait until marriage to have sex. And the end of legal discrimination against children born out of wedlock made single parenthood more acceptable. Coontz said more tolerance for a variety of lifestyles allows people who might have married “to keep up appearances” to stay unmarried or to live with a partner, whether same-sex or opposite sex.
There are, however, potential pitfalls for the growing population of singles, not the least of which is economic security, Cohn said.
“It’s not quite true that two can live as cheaply as one, but two people living together certainly can live more cheaply than two who live in different places,” she said. “So that means single people may not be able to build as much wealth as married couples can.”
And while married people are expected to take care of each other in old age, singles need to make arrangements for who will look out for them, Cohn said, especially if they don’t have children.
“According to a survey we did in 2010, only 39 percent of people say they would feel obligated to help their best friend with care giving or money, but far more will help family members,” she said.
But divorced women like Erving aren’t the only ones who embrace the single life.
Michael Ruskin, a 62-year-old human resource consultant from Roswell, says marriage is too limiting for his active lifestyle.
“Being single allows for more variety and adventure that you can’t get being with one person,” said Ruskin, a competitive dancer and tennis player who has never married. “No one person can give me what a lot of people can give me. I need variety. Considering the amount of divorce out there, I think a lot of people can understand that.”
He came close to the altar once, in 1982. But two weeks before his scheduled nuptials, he decided to break it off.
Andrew Wanjohi of Chamblee can relate. About the time he started considering marriage seven years ago, his girlfriend decided to move to Toronto and he wanted to focus on a career here in the restaurant business. Two years later they tried to rekindle the relationship but discovered they “were two different people.”
At 31, he prefers the single life but recently started dating someone. There was a time when physical appearance topped his short list of criteria, but substance is what matters most to him now, he said. His ideal woman is calm, self-assured and supportive of his personal and professional goals.
“Marriage isn’t on my agenda list, but if it happens, it happens,” he said. “I’m a firm believer that everything has its place and time.”
About the series
As the marriage rate in Georgia reaches an all-time low, veteran reporter Gracie Bonds Staples examines the data and talks to experts, couples and singles about the challenges and benefits of their lifestyle choices for a three-part series that started Sunday.
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