“My daughter never visits or calls me. I have not heard from her since Christmas.”
I know this woman and her daughter’s story really well. As much as I do not condone the daughter’s behavior, I watched them closely when the girl was growing up. Their relationship was empty and shallow. I watched this girl fall in love and have little guidance and support from her mother. I watched her long to talk and be understood, only to find a brick wall of discouragement and edginess.
We often hear of how crucial it is for children to spend quality time with their parents. Whether it is sitting on the floor playing with them when they are young; or at the edge of their bed as they release their burdens during the teenage years, most child psychologists agree that what children want most from mom (and dad) is quality time. And, unfortunately, it is usually what they get least from the ever-busy modern mother.
Being a working mom myself, I understand it too well. Between work, house chores and ministry, there are days that taking care of my family feels like just another chore. But we must deliberately remind ourselves that mixed priorities can have disastrous results. The priority order has not changed with the busyness of modern times: It should still be God first, then family, then work and ministry. We don’t get a free pass because life has become busier in the 21st century. If we look around, we can certainly see that the lack of quality time with our children has greatly affected our society. We are raising a generation that often gives more attention to their smart phones than to the people in their lives.
Truthfully, we all tend to live as if we will never grow old. But much like in agriculture, there will be a harvest day for each of us. One day my sweet little girls, who now beg me to play with them, will be leaving this house. And they will instinctively remember how much time I gave them. And the frequency in which they will want to be around me will depend much on how much I showed them that I loved them. It will depend on how many times they started telling me a story and I dropped what I was doing to give them full attention. It will depend on how many times I kissed their booboos and hugged their heartbreaks away. It will depend on how much they felt I cared.
If, like the lady I mentioned above, you have failed to give your children quality time until now, remember: as long as we have breath, there is still grace for second chances. There is amazing power in confessing to your children where you failed and asking them to forgive you. And then commit to prioritize quality time with them going forward.
And if you are a daughter or son of a mom who was too busy when you were growing up, I challenge you to extend that grace to her. Because I can almost guarantee that her favorite Mother’s Day gift does not come in a box. It does not sparkle and it does not taste sweet. Her favorite Mother’s Day gift is to know that her child loves her, not only because of the good things she’s done, but in in spite of her shortcomings.
Patricia Holbrook is a Bible teacher, writer and national conference speaker. She lives in Kennesaw with her husband and two daughters. Visit her blog to read her devotionals: www.soaringwithHim.com or email: pholbrook@soaringwithHim.com.
