According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 689,308 divorces occurred across 45 states in 2021. The same report shows 1,985,072 couples got married that same year.
According to those numbers, far more people marry than divorce in any given year. But the truth is, statistics show that of those almost 2 million couples who said “I do” to “‘til death do us apart,” a large number will end up filing for divorce.
I have heard through the years that approximately 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. However, after further researching the subject, I found a study showing that the number is based on something other than hard data.
According to social researcher and author Shaunti Feldhahn, the “50%” figure projected what researchers thought the divorce rate would be after states passed the no-fault divorce laws. According to Feldhahn’s study, the American overall divorce rate is closer to 33%.
Whether half of marriages end in divorce or not, one will hardly find a family that has not been affected by it in one way or another. And every time it occurs, it brings about incredible pain and stress. Indeed, psychologists list divorce as No. 2 of the top five stressful life events, preceded only by the death of a loved one.
When divorce results from betrayal, the grief and heartache seem even harder to bear.
The loss of the dream that filled a couple’s heart on their wedding day, coupled with broken promises, is a reality for many people facing divorce.
Loneliness, loss of identity, concern for their children’s wellbeing, and financial concerns are just a few items that men and women who find themselves at the end of their marriage must face.
For those navigating the waters of divorce, it may seem like life will never be good again. Unfortunately, I have met several people who seemed never to be able to recover from the devastating sting of lost love. Blame, bitterness and depression set in in ways that make these people become a shell of their former selves.
But I have also met people who have refused to make divorce the end of their story. One woman, Brandi Wilson, stands out as one of my favorite stories. I interviewed her recently about her new book, “Better Than Okay – Finding Hope and Healing After Your Marriage Ends.”
In 2016, Wilson’s husband of 20 years, who was also a megachurch pastor, walked away from the church and their family. With one decision, he pulled the rug from under Wilson’s feet, stripping away her dreams, her church community, and, as she mentions in her book, “a huge part of her identity.” She and her three boys were thrust into a journey filled with deep grief and suffering.
Even though Wilson would never minimize the depth of her pain, she is a beautiful example of someone who chose to trust that God had a plan. She chose to believe that God was not done with her and decided not to anchor her heart on her feelings.
Instead, Wilson set her mind on the truth behind the words God inspired the apostle Paul to pen down in his letter to the Roman church:
“For I know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purposes.”
Because Wilson sought God to heal her wounds and turn her testing into a testimony, she reaches countless women through her ministry today. She believes God has called her to encourage and empower women to find themselves in the transition of divorce.
God has a purpose for even the most profound valley he allows his children to face. He often uses suffering to help us experience his redemptive healing and develop a heart filled with empathy for the hurting.
If divorce has affected you personally, may you be reminded today that God is not done with you. This is not the end of your story. And yes, you will, eventually, be “better than OK.”
Find out more about the book at https://lovebrandiwilson.com/. Find Patricia’s interview with Brandi by searching God-Sized Stories with Patricia Holbrook on all podcast platforms and YouTube.
Patricia Holbrook is a columnist, author, podcaster and international speaker. Visit her new website: www.PatriciaHolbrook.com. For speaking engagements and comments, email patricia@PatriciaHolbrook.com.
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