Women's love-hate relationships with swimsuits

"I have a whole drawer of old bathing suits, but there's that one - the two-piece with yellow and white daisies and rings on the side. I love it," 46-year-old Miles said.

She loves it enough that she has been climbing to the top of Stone Mountain every day - yes, every day - to try to shed the pounds so she and her beloved two-piece can be reunited. "Unless I take the weight off, I am not putting on that bikini or any other bathing suit."

As Memorial Day weekend arrives, many women are dealing with a relationship they'd put away for the winter: the one with their swimsuits.

With time running out (or already evaporated) for slimming down this summer, the angst over swimsuit season is heating up. Instead of inspiring them to make a splash, these little bits of Lycra make many want to run inside and hide.

In fact, almost one in five women said they would rather walk on hot coals than wear a swimsuit, according to a 2007 survey by Fitness magazine and clothier Lands' End.

Half of the women surveyed said they'd turned down invitations for pool parties and other summertime get-togethers because they didn't want to be seen in a suit.

And while not all men are comfortable in their suits, they are more likely to take wearing one in stride.

Even among overweight men, only 15 percent worry so much that they avoid being seen in a swimsuit, according to an Elle magazine/MSNBC.com survey from a few years back.

"The bathing suit brings out the worst in body dissatisfaction," said Linda Craighead, an Emory University professor who specializes in body image.

"We are obsessed with weight. With clothes, women feel like they can wear stylish clothes and camouflage hips, or if they think their arms are flabby, they can wear a ruffled shirt. But with a bathing suit, they feel like there is no way to hide it. There's this feeling of a loss of control of the situation."

Gaining perspective

Some women, however, have found ways to overcome their bathing suit phobia and feel more at ease in them.

For years, Laura Scholz, 33, was afraid of going in the water - because of wearing a swimsuit. She was ashamed of her body's slightest imperfections - the bunions, moles, the ever-so-slight (maybe not even there) belly bulge.

"I used to be so scared about getting in the bathing suit," she said. "And I hated my feet. I thought they were so ugly."

But in recent years, she's become more relaxed about it, particularly after participating in Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training half-marathons. Now, she and her chocolate brown two-piece get along just fine.

"I realize, I can run and feel really good about it. It's like, look what my body can do," Scholz said. "And at some point, I was like, why I am complaining about my feet, and my pale skin and stretch marks? These are all signs of a life well lived."

Angela Stalcup, 43, was instantly attracted to the black and white two-piece she spied at a department store. It was just her size - size 16 - and she decided it was time to break her no-bikini rule.

"I was infatuated with it," Stalcup said. "I had a fear and trepidation toward the suit but also a longing for it."

She decided to don it for a community pool party. She was there for 30 minutes before she took off her cover-up.

"I had this dialogue with myself: 'Just take off your cover-up in the pool.' And then it was: 'But I don't know if I am ready to be known by my neighbors as 'the fat girl in the bikini,' " she said.

She coaxed herself and took the plunge.

"And you know what? No one screamed out in disgust or ran in horror," she said, laughing about the experience.

In fact, she relaxed and chatted with neighbors, and a 20-something cutie she met never left her side.

"I was thinking people might be like, 'Oh my gosh, I don't want to see your white soft skin, but here was this cute boy on my arm and suddenly, I was the neighborhood cougar," she said.

Stalcup, who runs the Web site curvylife.com, has since bought another two-piece, but the black and white one, she says, will always be known as The One.

"I went from thinking this is totally out of my grasp to a

real turning point. I would say me and my bikini, we are on good terms," she said.

New goal, new look?

Meanwhile, Miles, who so far has lost about 3 pounds, said she has more reason — and determination — to get back into her vintage 2007 bikini. She recently accepted an invitation for a late June river-rafting trip with friends.

She's not sure she can lose all 20 pounds by then, so she's coming around to the idea of wearing her suit even if she loses just 10.

She's also thinking about starting a new summer relationship. Recently Miles checked out some of the less-revealing one-piece suits offered by Lands' End. In the past, she thought they just weren't her type. But after taking another look, she likes what she sees.

"Some of them are cute!" she says.

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Lowering your swimsuit anxiety

Some tips for feeling better in your bathing suit, from Emory University psychology professor Linda Craighead:

Mirror exposure: Look in the mirror but try to look at your whole body shape, not just specific areas you dislike. When you just stare at certain things, you lose perspective. Try to describe yourself in neutral terms and not make judgmental statements. A minute or less is enough for this exercise.

A different view: Realize that you see your arms and legs from a different angle than others do.

Challenge fat feelings: Just because you feel fat doesn't mean you really are fat (and remember, fat is not really a feeling). When you are feeling this way, try to acknowledge you may be feeling anxious or awkward.

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Swimsuit strategies

Atlanta celebrity stylist Patrick Cooper offers these tips for women:

• Take advantage of body- flattering trends. Swimsuit skorts, tummy-controlling beachwear can offer more support and coverage.

• Accessorize. Wear a brightly colored sarong or turquoise beads or a big floppy hat to draw attention away from the suit and to put you at ease.

• Remember, dark solid-colored bathing suits have a slimming effect.

• Let it go. "It should not be that serious. It's about going to the beach or pool and having a good time," he said. "Women feel like they have to be picture-perfect. And let me tell you: I have worked on a lot of magazine covers and no one is perfect. That is why we have airbrushing."